Guru Nanak
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| I AM THE PROPHET OF GOD! | |
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| Guru Nanak | |
| Born | 1469 (age 550 in 2019) |
| Nationality | Currynigger 
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| Occupation | Accountant, Civil Servant. |
| Religion name | Sikhism |
| Preceded by | Muhammad |
| Followed by | Joseph Smith |
| Current location | Unknown |
| Nicknames |
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Guru Nanak was an accountant and civil servant who lived in India Pakistan at least 100 years ago, during the era of Muslim rule, before the arrival of teh Britishes. We will be forever greatful to him for being the founder of Sikhism, a strong anti-sandnigger religion.
Nanak was dissatisfied with being subjugated by a kebab emperor from Afghanistan and a bunch of soldiers from Arabia, and even more so with having to obey their neurotic, chastity-obsessed, wife-beating, child-molesting death-cult of a religion. He was so pissed off at the religion of Muhammad that he decided to become a prophet himself and founded the religion of Sikhism. To this day, the Sikhs are the second biggest anti-sandnigger cult in the world (only (((one group))) are fiercer in their fight against Islam.).
Founding of Sikhism
Guru Nanak gathered several followers who were equally pissed off at the presence of Muslim faggots in the land of India. Although Sikhism currently claims 24 million followers, in the days of Nanak it was just a small circle of edge lords. Nevertheless, the teachings of Nanak were recorded perfectly and passed on from generation to generation. Nowadays, all Sikhs never cut their hair. They always wear turbans, carry a comb everywhere, wear a metal bracelet 24/7, wear boxer shorts 24/7 and ALWAYS carry a large knife in case they need to stab some Muslims.
Nanak married his sister in 1475. Their children were deformed and mentally retarded, and so were sent to Australia, giving rise to the Aborigines. After this incident, Nanak had a son named Sri Chand, who went on to betray his father's religion and form a sect. Sri Chand lived to be 134 years old.
It is unknown where Guru Nanak died, since he travelled to many places. It is possible he died in Iraq.
Muslim hates
Responsible for starting a very Jewy religion right under their noses, Nanak has always been hated by Muslims. Here, a sensationalist Indian news channel reports terrorists cursing him and accusing him of fucking up Islam.
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Nanak's successors
Nanak invented the word Guru and is the founder of the Guru craze. The word Guru just means teacher and has no other special meaning. Nevertheless, thousands of bandwagon retards have since picked a fantasy about Gurus and their supposed wizdomz. Guru Nanak enjoys many successors who claim to be either his genetic or students who can trace a line of teaching back to him. One such charlatan is Yogi Bhajan, the founder of 3HO (happy, healthy, holy organisation), a monstrous pyramid scheme disguised as a religion designed to vacuum money from the pockets of dumb Americans. Another, perhaps even more insane insect who showed up in the 70s as a supposed successor to Nanak was Prem Rawat.
How to become like Guru Nanak
- Make up a dumb word to describe yourself as a "teacher" or "possessor of knowledge".
- Make up a simple religion with a few dumb tenants (i.e. always carry an orange around and shave your pubic hair in the shape of a swastika).
- Write a book in a fancy font or in a made up language.
- Gather some gullible followers, either IRL, here or here.
- Have the word be spread by people who are more sociable than you.
- ???
- Prophet!
- Have millions of loyal faggots kissing your ass, and thousands of ambitious wannabe cult leaders attempting to copy you.
See also
External links
| Guru Nanak is part of a series on Obscure Religions  |
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