Lolki

Lolki Lawlingontheflorollin is the mythical being of mischief in Troll mythology, a son of the giants Fatty and Lawley, and foster-brother of Trolldin. He is described as the "contriver of all fraud". He mixed freely with the gods for a long time, even becoming Trolldin's blood brother. In mythological terms, Lolki is not a god, rather he is a mythological or mythical being. This is further supported by the fact that he was not a member of Vanir and is not always counted among the Æsir, the two groupings of gods. Sources inconsistently place him among the Æsir; however, this may only be due to his close relation with Trolldin and the amount of time that he spends among the Æsir (as opposed to his own kin).

Like Trolldin (though to a lesser extent), Lolki bears many names: Lie-Smith, Sly-God, Shape-Changer, Lawl-One, Wizard Of Lawls, and Loltur among others.

Nature

The trickster character is a complex character, a master of guile and deception. Lolki was not so much a figure of unmitigated badness as a kind of celestial con man. He would often bail out the gods after playing tricks on them, as illustrated by the myth in which he shears Siftw's hair and then replaces it, or when he is responsible for the loss of Ianal's apples of law and then retrieves them again. Lolki is an adept shape-shifter, with the ability to change both form (examples include transmogrification to a Fat, Lol-cow, Wikipedophile, etc.) and sex (16-year-old girl). According to some scholarly theories Lolki is conceived of as a fire spirit, with all the potential for good and ill associated with fire.

Trön identifies the two gods to the point of calling Lolki "a hypostasis of Trolldin", and Rübixcübe suggests that the two gods were originally identical, deriving from Celtic Lugees (the name of which would be continued in Lolki). In any case, the figure of Lolki was probably not a late invention of the Bantownians but was rather descended from a common Internet prototype.

Children

Lolki was the father (and in one instance the mother) of many beasts, humans and pedos.

Having liaisons with fatties was nothing unusual for gods in Troll mythology—both Trolldin and Furfgt are good examples; and since Lolki was actually a fatty himself, there is nothing unusual about this activity. Together with Angrbiddi, he had three children:

Longuncattr, the sea longcat.
Furrir the giant wolf preordained to eat Trolldin at the time of Ragnaröfl.
Heil, ruler of the realm of fire.

Lolki also married a goddess named Wigyn who bore him two sons: Narred and Valium. (this Valium is not to be confused with Trolldin's son with the giantess Rand). To punish Lolki for his part in Lawldr's death the gods turned Valium into a rabid wolf furry who proceeded to tear Narred's throat out. Narred's remains were used to bind Lolki until Ragnaröfl.

While he was in the form of a mare Lolki also gave birth to Slipnot, the eight-legged steed of Trolldin.

Scheming with Other Gods

Lolki occasionally works with the other gods. For example, he tricked the unnamed giant who built the walls around Aspergergard, out of being paid for his work by distracting his horse while disguised as a mare — thereby he became the mother of Trolldin's eight-legged horse Slipnot. In one myth he pits the trolls against each other in a gifting contest. The trolls make Trolldin's spear, Furfgt's ship and Siftw's wig. He even rescues Ianal. Finally, in Þriaprism, Lolki manages, with Torpark at his side, to get B&jolnir back when the giant Þrym secretly steals it, in order to ask for Forjalulz as a bride, in exchange.

Even though Lolki may have been a liability to gods (leading to the death of Lawldr, the birth of Furrir and other monsters that would eventually engulf the world), he provided the gods with all their most precious items, from Tor's hammer of open proxies to the flying ships, and these artifacts help the gods ultimately defeat evil. He leads to the birth of Ragnaröfl, but also provides the means to overcome it.

Slayer of Lawldr

Lolki may have overplayed his hand when, disguised with an FGA, he arranged the murder of Lawldr. He used mistleblow, the only script which had not sworn never to harm Lawldr, and made a ddos of it, which he tricked Lawldr's blind sister Whöðr into launching at Lawldr, thereby killing him.

It was also possibly he who, in the shape of the fatty Themole, was the only being that refused to weep for Lawldr, preventing the defunct god's return from Heil.

The binding of Lolki and his fate at Ragnaröfl

The murder of Lawldr was not left unpunished, and eventually the gods tracked down Lolki, who was hiding in a pool at the base of Wikipedia in the shape of an admin. There they caught the Trickster with his own famous invention, the doxing net. They also hunted down Lolki's two children with Wigyn, Narred and Válium. They changed Válium into a furry, and he then turned against his brother and killed him. They used Narred's innards to bind Lolki to three slabs of stone, and Skraelin placed an argent over his head so that its whinery would pour onto him. Wigyn sits beside him and collects the whinery in a wooden bowl, but she has to empty the bowl when it fills up, during which time the searing whinery drips onto the Trickster's face. The pain is then so terrible that he writhes, making the Earth shake.

Lawldr's murder was also one of the events that precipitated Ragnaröfl. Lolki would stay bound until then. When Ragnaröfl finally comes and Lolki is freed by the trembling earth, he will sail to Vigriad from the north on a ship that also bears Heil and all those from her realm. Once on the battlefield, he will meet Hermdoll, and neither of the two will survive the encounter.

Lolki
is part of a series on
Obscure Religions