In the grotesque land of weeaboos, roneryweeaboos often find themselves turning to technology for companionship. However, dating sims can only do so much for a man, and there's only so much Sailor Moonhentai out there to fap to. And besides: These series' of still images lack the all important sound of the female voice, offering the viewer the reassurance they so desperately crave and the sweet moans of the female orgasm. So, Japan's top scientists developed a program to emulate the sound of the female voice, dubbing it "Vocaloid", and market it as a music-making tool so their fellow otaku could pretend they are musicians when the cashier rings up their girl-in-a-box.
In order to aide the masturbatory process, and in keeping with Japan's perverse tradition of humanizing machines, each Vocaloid version comes with an accompanying female figure made to match the voice. The first to sell well, and still the most popular by far, is Hatsune Miku, who despite being the oldest and most antiquated of the current V2 series (The first line of the software series to actually fucking sell anything), continues to be put to work more often than the rest of her digital friends. Not to mention, the most fapped to of Vocaloid's female cast.
Whatever the case may be, there is no denying the impact Vocaloid has had on the music industry. After the shocking confirmations that both Britney Spears and Lady Gaga are merely Miku lip-synchers, and taking into account the astounding amount of Vocaloid music videos available on Nico Nico Douga(The Japanese version of YouTube), Vocaloid is a veritable media powerhouse. With real J-Pop superstars having contributed their voices to the technology (Including the likes of Gackt and some other pop-star cunts you should be ashamed if you know the names of off-hand), a PlayStation Portable game starring Miku (Which sold poorly due to the fact that nobody still gives a shit about the PSP), and even a Vocaloid-sponsored racecar in Japan's Super GT Series, Vocaloid's success is a historic example of the influence porn has on the economy.
The first Japanese Vocaloid. Fans bitch about her voice because it isn't kawaii like Miku-chan's ^_^ so she's ignored. Everyone still draws her for the tits.
MIRIAM
Another English speaking VOCALOID the general population has forgotten about.
KAITO was the last in the line of the original V1 series, and sold about as well as McDonald's at a PETA convention. However, after Hatsune Miku made Vocaloid a household name, renewed interest in the product line's past allowed for KAITO to make a comeback (The four who came before him, however, are still shrouded in obscurity, as they sound legitimately terrible). He is known for his friendly, tender, strong voice, and according to some members of the fandom, is life partner to Len (Further reading: "Quotes"). Of course, the latter "fact" is unlikely, as THEY AREN'T FUCKING REAL PEOPLE. Regardless, the Yaoi loving fangirls enjoy drawing the two screwing eachother in every way you can imagine.
KAITO is still rarely used, as Gackpoid aka Gakupo Kamui (Featuring the vocal talents of none other than Gackt himself) boasts a far manlier, higher quality voice.
VOCALOID 2
Sweet ANN
The first V2 voicebank to be released. A decent improvement over her predecessors LEON and LOLA. She was released without an anime avatar so she was destined to fail. She was given one in 2011 during her debut in Taiwan.
By far the most popular cunt of the bunch, Miku is the "singer" of many songs and the subject of much fan art. With her impossibly green hair and her trademark gigantic leek, Miku has won over the hearts of millions of weeaboos, despite never having been given an actual personality by her original developers. However, this has not stopped said weeaboos from wanting to make her their wife, so she can cook onions for them all day long.
Miku is not the first in a long line of the Japanese making computer software human, but she is perhaps the most popular in recent years. Songs have been written about her being a princess, a rock and roll super star, and a filthy cum-guzzling slut servicing the weeaboo masses.
Having slept her way into the old media, appearing in television commercials and making actual news headlines, Miku is fast on her way to becoming the new Oprah Winfrey(If Oprah were a computer program and not black). 2channers are also responsible for vote-bombing a petition set forward by the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency, to have a balancing plate for the spacecraft Akatsuki made with Miku's likeness embedded on it. Perhaps we should just go ahead and welcome our new software overlords, and maybe get to fuck our computers once before we humans are phased out of existence by green-haired music-making applications.
Perhaps their biggest claim to fame is Rin's appearance in the motion picture epic, Ultimate Muscle Roller Legend, where she stars alongside Billy Herrington as a creepy-looking steamroller driver. To date, her brother Len is still entirely useless, as Rin is the female of the pair, and the majority of the population is still straight. That isn't to say there aren't those out there who don't want to slip their dick between Len's cheeks and shove, but there aren't nearly as many who want to actually hear him sing. His legion of fangirls and fanboys are very scary.
People also apparently hate these two as they're killed in every single song they sing. And if they're not killed, Len is cross-dressing. They were created by Crypton Future Media after Hatsune Miku's unexpected success. Despite releasing a shitty, glitchy mess of a product, they were hugely successful just like their predecessor.
The 3rd Addition to the v2 Series. This is known to be the first Japanese Vocaloid to sing in English. She is actually voiced by a man, so most of her songs sound like Lady Gaga's. She also lugs around a big tuna fish that's been out of the freezer for over Over 9000 hours for your listening and fapping pleasure.
For whatever reason people use Luka a lot for metal music. Here's an example. She's also sometimes paired as Miku's lesbian lover. Some fans bitch that she doesn't wear a school uniform but she's like 20, what is she going to be doing wearing one ofo?
Her voicebanks are all trash but she still sells due to having big mommy milkers. Crypton knows Asians are horny for pink hair animu girls so they can't bother making her a decent product, especially since she is not as much as a cash cow as her more popular cousins Hatsune Miku and Kagamine Rin (and Len too I guess). Her V4X release in 2015 was notourious for its low quality but retards still bought it.
Green haired bimbo and second most popular Vocaloid who is considered Hatsune Miku's closest rival in regards to popularity. Has a hundred voicebanks to try to compete with Miku. Has better English than SONiKA despite being a Jap.
SONiKA is probably the least popular Vocaloid, because she can't fucking sing to save her shit. Atall. She still has a small number of fans though, and they bitch over if her "character item" should be a gold ring (Because of Sonic the Hedgehog), a pineapple (Because her color scheme resembles one), or a bell (Due to one of her abysmal original songs, "Ring my bell". Designed to sing in English but was falsely advertised to sing in all languages. SONiKA's avatar has a Japanese tattoo on her arm which boosts her appeal to the Japan as well as the "Japanese at heart". It's also a known fact that her voicebank was sampled from Skype sounds to cut costs.
Fans still bitch that her looks do not match her soft voice. The original design team still swim in pools of their own profits. Put it together, and you do not have a recipe for change.
Big Al is called big to compensate for the fact he has a small penis. He had a chad movie poster avatar like Sweet ANN but Power FX commissioned a shitty DeviantART artist to redesign it. Most well known for the homoerotic voice samples accompanying his voicebank.
Prima
A high quality English Vocaloid that sold less than SONiKA due to not pandering to wapanese trash. Tonio's female counterpart. Some dumbass chink thought it would be a good idea to redesign Prima, a mature opera voicebank, into loli bait.
A Hello Kitty stan created by Sanrio to cash in on the anime virtual singer craze. Iroha is a "female" cat-girl voiced by a man. She received an update in 2016 that gave her big tits and a new voicebank to coinside with the OG one.
Gachapoid
A little kid based on a dinosaur from a children's TV show who is never used due to sounding like a chipmunk. Notable for being the only shotacon bait tween girls don't care about.
Because English Vocaloids don't really sell, they decided to slap a gay pornstar's pic as the boxart to boost sales and it didn't work. As a last attempt to appeal to the weeaboo fandom Zero-g decided to redesign him as a pony.
Technically avatar-less like VY1, he is commonly depicted as a pink haired twink. His fan nickname is Yuuma.
VOCALOID 3
SeeU
Lest we explain more?
By the time a newer version of Vocaloid was released, some Korean developers decided to create their own realistic-sounding Vocaloid by the Name of "SeeU". She can sing in Korean and Japanese and already has 5 demo songs and 1 official song; She's relatively new and has a medium-sized following of weeaboos that are also into Korea. It was revealed recently that North Korea made SeeU in co operation with Iran in order to take control of South Korea, the nearest "Westernized" country to them. They expected WWIII but merely got basement-dwellers and weeaboos in America to wage Internet-war over her not being Japanese.
Currently, SeeU's voice provider is in jail for blackmail and is now desperate selling copies of her Vocaloid for bail money.
The only English Vocaloid the fandom cares about due to being ship material for Len and Piko. Fangirls coom over how he was voiced by an actual 13-year-old boy. Oliver is used exclusively for poorly tuned covers of popular songs by Japanese producers. You can make his fangirls commit mass suicide by reminding them how it's close to impossible to make him sound like his mouth isn't filled with cotton. Like SONiKA, his samples are filled with background noise.
Oliver attracts many weirdos on tumblr such as TheOliverManiac who is said to hit on kids IRL too.
Mew
Who?
Tone Rion
Purple-haired loli that was created to cater specifically to neckbeards. She sold so poorly, the rest of her friends that were planned were canceled. For some reason, she was updated to V4 in 2016 where one again, no one cared to use her.
The first Spanish Vocaloids. Weeaboos hated their first design so much that they actually threatened the artist with death. Other than the fact that they made lulz from the faggotry of fans, there's nothing else about them. Fans depict Bruno as a brony. El Español de España es el mejor ahora iros a tomar por culo.
Chinese Hatsune Miku bootleg. Tianyi was made an ambassador for the Communist Youth League of China to "instill correct thinking in millennials".
Aoki Lapis
Loli fairy illustrated by hentai artist CARNELIAN.
ZOLA Project
A boy band made up of KYO, WIL, and YUU illustrated by the guy who does art for the Final Fantasy series. Obviously didn't sell well despite being three voicebanks in one because males don't get the average VOCALOID producer's peepee hard.
IA
IA was a surprisingly successful vocal produced by the indie company FIRST PLACE. The company jumped ship and moved her to CeVIO because Yamaha can't get their shit together.
MAYU
Yandere schoolgirl Vocaloid that sold ok due to being shilled by her creators Exit Records, a music label, extensively. Her songs would be bundled alongside more popular vocals and became somewhat well known due to association.
AVANNA
BDSM Celtic trad-wife elf girl with almost comprehensible English. The first and only English speaking voicebank to be taken seriously by actual music producers. Had the misfortune of being illustrated by the ham-beastlol-cow AkiGlancy.
Galaco
The most boring Vocaloid to ever be created. She was given out for free as part of a contest. Eventually she was released as a commercial product. Has no good songs even though she was literally a free voicebank for a while.
YANHE
A Chinese VOCALOID that was created due to the owner of Luo Tianyi's friends getting funding by Yamaha pulled by spending all the project's money on brothels.
She sounds boyish due to her supposed to be voicing the shotacon Zhiyu Moke.
Vocaloid version of Hannah Montana in Spanish. Fearing backlash from rabid 13 year old, Voctro Labs weebified her design to make it supah kawaii!! Spanish speakers still didn't buy her.
Still not sugoi enough to make hispanics not pirate her
Voiced by a homofjord nigger named YOHIO. Though primarily an English voicebank, Power FX wasted money by recording a Japanese one as well. YOHIOloid was completely ignored by the Japanese fanbase due to not being a cute animu gril. English speaking weebs didn't care about him either due to him not being shota bait. Has exactly ten songs made for him and they all suck ass.
Macne Nana
Once a GarageBand plugin (hence the "Apple" in her name), Macne Nana V3 was a crossover with VOCALOID that gave her a much higher quality Japanese voicebank and a terrible Engrish one too. Still better than most of the options English speakers have available.
Merli
Aoki Lapis' negress sister. She was given a dark skin tone due to being the "evil" sister (BASED JAPAN??) Sold 3 copies.
vflower
Hermaphrodite character that no one cared about when they had a female appearance. Became a shota after receiving an update for the fourth engine and suddenly everyone cared. Now flower is very popular on Amino with preteen girls alongside Len, OLIVER, Piko, and Fukase.
Ruby was a huge source of controversy when she was released in 2015. She was given a box cover drawn in ms paint due to the ineptitude of everyone working on her creation. The leader of the project, Prince Syo spent his time whining on Twitter about "whitewashing" and Power FX instead of actually making Ruby into a good product. As a result, she was released with a tinny, nasally voicebank no one wanted to use. To date, only five people legally bought a copy and she marks the last time Power FX tried to make a VOCALOID. Ruby? More like Jews-by amirite???
DEX
DEX was released alongside DAINA as a pair of badly drawn self-insertOCs both recorded in a professional environment. They were advertised as Zero-G's first American-accented Vocaloids. DEX was voiced by Kenji-B, a fat neckbeard and unsurprisingly, a furry. Even six years after DEX's release, Kenji-B scours Twatter for anyone badmouthing his wolfOC and gets super butthurt about people drawing anthro art of his OC (despite being a furry oddly enough). Still sold more copies than Ruby though.
DAINA
DAINA is a fox girl voiced by AkiGlancy, a lolcow well known in the western VOCALOID fandom for ruining everything she puts her grubby, fat fingers on. She was designed as a petite e-girl despite being the totally not self-insert of a fat fuck.
Average fatty westoid Vocaloid fans.Daina...and her voice provider FattyGlancy
ARSLOID
A voicebank sampled from a garbage can. ARSLOID is a collection of three of the worst voicebanks to ever be released. Never used due to being a complete dumpster fire of a product.
A Japanese Vocaloid with a terrible OC design from DeviantArt. Advertised to fulfil lolicon fantasies.
Otomachi Una
Zhiyu Moke
Bootleg Chinese Kagamine Len.
Yuezheng Ling
Bootleg Chinese Kagamine Rin.
Yuezheng Longya
Bootleg Chinese KAITO and Ling's older brother.
Mo Qingxian
Bootleg Chinese Megurine Luka.
LUMi
LUMi is a girl that cosplays as a jellyfish. By this point, the Japs were bored of shelling out their hard earned yen on anime girls that all basically sound the same.
Azuki
Azuki and her friend Matcha were two once private voicebanks that were cracked and very commonly pirated. Her design is based off a fucking bean.
Matcha
Azuki's counterpart who is also irrelevant.
Kobayashi Mirai
The most unoriginal VOCALOID in existence who sounds like every female voicebank put together.
Pathetic attempt to try to make a good version of Leon and Lola. They come with the VOCALOID 5 engine by default because Yamaha knew that no one would unironically use these.
Haruno Sora
Your average anime girl whose only distinguishing characteristics are glasses and a freckle.
Meika Hime and Mikoto
Yet another pair of twins. This time they are oni moe girls. They are the last vocals to have been released.
VOCALOID 6
Sarah, Allen, Haruka, and Akito
Moar boring default voices
Po-Uta
Voicebank of Porter Robinson, the one irl western professional musician who took vocaloid seriously. Buy him now but in chipmunk form! Who is this voicebank for again?
Fuiro
Deranged goth girl who will destroy your spirit with cock and ball torture.
Others
You may recognize the word "Iku" from your favorite JAV
Not really. Some fangirl made an UTAU of herself using an old 4chan meme as a base. His character item is a "yaoi paddle". He only has fans because he's yaoi bait and the "creator" creates other characters that likes to stick their dicks in him
Porn soundboards marketed as a submissive and breedable animu meido and netorare hentai fantasy knight. They were designed for lonely neckbeards who will never leave their basement, let alone touch a woman. Some wierdos made them into UTAU voicebanks but some of their cover songs have gotten very popular due to their distinctive voices. This makes the bootleg porn voicebanks more beloved than boring Failbanks such as Chika and Galaco.
The Death of Vocaloid
Hatsune Miku and her Crypton friends continue to be popular to 12 year olds everywhere but very few characters other than the ones released before 2010 maintain any relevancy. Every experimental vocal such as Mew and Merli have failed, leading to only moe anime characters being developed. Since Crypton has jumped ship from Vocaloid altogether in 2019, basically all of the other companies have left too to either work with their own proprietary software or join CeVIO and numerous other synthesizers.
Japanese producers who created the most popular VOCALOID songs in the early 2010s generally used Miku and friends to get a foot in the music industry door then got out of the weebery ASAP. The western fanbase was never able to attract anyone but the bottom of the barrel, most embarassing white people larping as Japanese.
Songs / Music Videos
Official
As mentioned before, Vocaloid is marketed as a music-making tool (The key word being "Marketed", as it's true purpose is already well-established). Somehow, between the marathon fap sessions and day-dreaming of romance, music and accompanying music videos are actually made. Here for your viewing pleasure is a selection of some of the more popular videos. If you enjoy these videos, congratulations: You are officially a weeaboo! You'll receive your anime body pillow and the latest L'Arc-en-Ciel album by mail shortly.
Some people actually make un-official Vocaloid songs based off of actual songs. And don't even ask about the fucking point of creating a program to sing songs in a female voice if there are actual females willing to sing shit themselves. Oh, wait: It's because the only girls willing to sing this shit sound fucking terrible. Misogyny, you say? View the videos below and see, er, suffer for yourself.
The fanbase is made up of the most vile hipster weaboos one could ever imagine. Their general, severe lack of intelligence (and inability to fucking hear anything) is one way to spot them from the other weaboos. They can't even say "Hatsune" or "Miku" without sounding like a retarded child getting their mouth smashed in by their parents. Many of the fanfaggots enjoy making their own 'original' characters and singing badly, using these as porn for you to try and fap to (if you can tolerate their prepubescent chorus-of-squirrel voices). To see a cluster of these Vocaloid loving
They can't even comprehend what they like
peons in action, please see the monumental cesspool called the Vocaloid Otaku Network. This is essentially the hub for everything Vocaloid (and Touhou for some reason). It is the perfect place for you if you happen to suffer from Autism or ADHD and have an interest in trite garbage that's even reviled in Japan. If you dare try to critique this shithole on another completly different website, you will make the glorious moderators very butthurt. See an example here! [1]
Concerts
There have been multiple liveperformances done by Crypton's Vocaloids. Each time seemingly getting more and more realistic. Most fans either an hero or ejaculate at the thought of possibly seeing Miku as a hologram. Despite the fact that she's merely a projection on a transparent screen, fans will defend the idea of "SHE IS HOLOGRAM!1!!!!" to the death. While in reality, there's only been a single time when she was an actual hologram. The other Vocaloids are commonly left out and only have a few songs throughout the concerts because Crypton realized that Miku's one of the easiest ways to get money. This Satanic ritual occurs every March 9th without fail, and all of the faithful fans gather there with their leeks glowsticks and chant to their glorious Holographic Master Race. If you think that the idea of a concert with a hologram is ridiculous, then you would be surprised to know that people from all around the world travel to see these concerts apparently.
Quotes
“
KAITO CAN'T MARRY ANY OF YOU BECAUSE HE'S WITH LEN!!!
„
—bcueflores
“
Haha chubby miku is so cutee X3
„
—animerocks220
“
*lol* that was a cute lil video i loved the part when she said suki really fast over and over
„
—animeXvocaloidguy
“
I just want to say that just because I don't like this song doesn't mean I don't think Miku is cute and AWESOME. \(O_O)/
Just saying.
„
—CarrotShticks
“
Blood Donation Song is an excuse to see Miku in a nurse's outfit.
„
—BowenKainZ
“
the hell.. just because you don't want to read any negative comments,, your giving us thumbs down..
well.. there's 1 thing I can advice you so that you won't have any negative comments...
THAT IS TO MAKE A NORMAL AND POSITIVE VIDEO!!..WELL,DUH DON'T EVEN MAKE KAITO A GAY (THAT'S TOO NEGATIVE)... MANY ANIME LOVERS DON'T LIKE WHEN THEIR FAVORITE ANIME CHARACTER WAS GIVEN A BAD IMPRESSION!... THINK MANY THINGS BEFORE YOU DO YOUR ACTIONS! KAITO IS A GUY SO LEAVE THE IMPRESSION LIKE THAT!DUH!
„
—SayomiKamikura
“
More nummy KaitoxLen. <3
„
—AlexanderAfter
“
Hatsune Miku sounds like goatse man after shoving a helium tank up his ass.
„
—The official Encyclopedia Dramatica Twitter
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Trolling the fanbase
Like most fanbases, the main audience is composed of mental defectives, Hipsters, faggots and weeaboos. Unlike most, the fanbase is composed of ADHD patients and sociopaths compared to actual autists and outright faggots, like another fanbase we know. Therefore they all have no attention span and cant process your attempt at trolling, very similar to the Homosucks. Which are one of the most retarded fandoms ever. Then again, they worship grey skinned alien people with candy corn horns. Another retarded thing about them is that the fanbase is divided into the YouTube/VO faggots, who will flip their shit by saying as much as "hi" to them. Then there's the "normal" ones that browse /a/ or don't give a fuck about communicating with their fellow social failures.
Saying they'll all never have a wife and that they'll spend the rest of their lives wanking to a blue-haired anime-ish Hatsune Miku's reaction to below gallery.character
Asking if a Vocaloid anime has happened or suggesting that a Vocaloid anime should happen, they hate this
Saying "omg voceloid favret anime xD"
Saying that incest is wrong, same applies to lesbians. Apparently the community can't accept normal relationships
Tell them that they're perverts for liking it and that anyone who indulges in it is a pervert
Say Deviantart is the best place for their faggotry
Sharing MMD (MikuMikuDance) stuff. For some reason the MMD community gets incredibly butthurt (more so than the RIAA does about piracy) about people sharing their content. So they hide passwords to download stuff and demand comments when you do download (and threaten to delete the mods if you don't).
MMD Model makers are even more incredibly butthurt when nude models are created and shared. A well known model maker named TDA gets extremely butthurt about nude versions of his models. In fact he gets so pissed he goes all Hitler and raids Vimeo and random forums to delete videos and downloads of nude versions of his models. SO SHARE THE NUDE MODELS!
Tell them Vocaloid sucks because it isn't real singing
At 
