Louisiana
A state located in the southern half of the Jewnited States of Americunts, Louisiana was once considered to be a mighty civilization populated by Atlantean residents. After being discovered in 1994, Louisiana was inducted as a formal US state, making Louisiana the 51st state of America (after Puerto Rico and Sweden).
History
Louisiana was founded by the late president Jean-Louis Rapeyourmamma. Early Louisiana was a marine-based civilization that flourished below water until on 9/11 an oil spill forced the colonies to be constructed on the surrounding tropical swampland. For transportation the Louisianans rode alligators, and for food they were supplied Ramen noodles by France. To this day, half of Louisiana residents speak France, eat nigger ramen, and mate with alligators named Thibodeaux to sustain their species. The State first came about as dickweed Frenchmen (Frogs) were exiled to the region by the English who could no longer stand the smell of the snails and catfish they were forced to eat. They soon realized that they would have to survive on their own. In the beginning, after realizing there were not enough snails to eat, they began to eat things most humans would not such as crawfish, putrid soups made from boiling socks, and feces (roux) known as "Gumbo". They had nothing else to mate with (besides the gators) so in turn began to interbreed with their sisters. Only 4 males were exiled for their crimes of snail eating; Jacques Fontenot, Jacques Guillory, Jacques Guidry, and Jacques Fusilier. Everyone in the state now has only these four last names. The inbreeding can be seen as you drive through the majestic trailer park dotted countryside, and witness the "Cajuns" in their favorite pastimes of accordion playing and ass play. A recent attempt by congress to return Louisiana to France was passed by an overwhelming vote, but backfired when the French president told the USA "Fuck off, I don't want those bastards back!"
Today the state is credited with the invention of High Niggerdom and jazz. Uncle Ben is the current state governor and oversees the exportation of West Nile Virus to the adjacent states. Cajun women much like the gerbil have front teeth that continue to constantly grow and so they have to always gnaw and chew on something HARD!
Louisiana is also home to the vibrant Nawlins. Or at least it was, until Nawlins. Where have all the crackwhores and food gone? Oh well, it seems that George Bush doesn't care about black people.
Tourist attractions in Louisiana include pine trees, nutria, and people with more than one tooth but less than three in their mouths. Due to massive amounts of inbreeding done in this penal colony over the centuries it is recommended by the U.S. State Department not to go there to visit.
Last Thursday, Louisiana citizens finally got tired of electing the same dumbfucks over and over, who liked to raise taxes on fucking everything and then keep all the money for themselves and give each other handjobs while the common folk continued to wallow in their own shit and surprise sex their cousins and siblings. They therefore decided to elect as their proud new governor Piyush "Bobby" Jindal, an underage Indian boy (wut), who's promised to bring jobs to Louisiana and repair its lulzy national image. Too bad Jindal doesn't actually give a fuck about the state and is just using it as a stepping stone to become Romney's vice president. That way he can take over the country when Romney ascends to godhood to rule over his planet of underage girls.
Recently, the cars had armed themselves against idiots. Now they can kill them. Willy On Wheels and Grawp commented that the cars are armed with copies of his massive ass and shrunken dick. On the 24th of July 2015, an old white autist attempted to duplicate Aurora Theatre Shooting' deadly rampage. Sadly, our an hero managed to only take out 2 pathetic fleshbags with him. The result was the Grand 16 Shooting.
State Facts
Abbreviation - LA (not Los Angeles)
Capital - Baton Rouge (translates to "Red Stick", lol)
State Nickname - Pelican State
Motto - "Union, justice, and coonasses"
Songs - "You Are My Cousin, No Really"
Flower - Your Mom
Tree - Bald Cypress
Faggot - Britney Spears
Agriculture - Seafood, cotton, sugarcane, dairy products, rice
Industry - Transportation, Chemical products, petroleum and coal products, natural gas, murder and then dumping the bodies in the bayou, paper products, tourism, federal aid, Jerry Lee Lewis, slave trade, brother/sister/1st cousin marrying
"State Theme Park" - Once Six Flags New Orleans, now SeaWorld New Orleans
—disneydeb ' | ||
Gallery
See Also
- Britney Spears
- David Vitter
- Deepwater Horizon
- Nawlins
- Nawlins
- White trash
- Québec - What Louisiana thinks it is
- Grand 16 Shooting
