Twatter
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—@TiffanyMynx, Typical "tweet." | ||
X, not to be confused with /x/ (Deadname: Twitter, a.k.a Shitter, or Your account is currently suspended. For more information, please visit Suspended Accounts) is the first diagnosed internet disorder since AIDS, its symptoms include: hypersensitive people, corrupt NFTs, increased levels of left-wing and right-wing retardation, failed artists, and the mistreating of others with death threats and illogical arguments. Typically in the vicinity of nonbinary furries moments from a looped rope and vegetarian feminists meeting to jerk off about whatever the current TikTok trending protest is against, all within the limits of 280 characters. Elon Musk bought twitter, then let go alot of people at twitter or X or Xer, doesnt really matter what the fuck this site is called. Elon B& ED's twitter account in early 2023.
Twitter abusers subject each other to a relentless feed of minutia in their otherwise meaningless lives, known as tweets 24/7/365. Ate some breakfast? Tweet it! Took a massive shit? Tweet it!
TL;DR: LiveJournal on crack. (No wait, LJ died years ago.) Or maybe: Church of the SubGenius on roids. Yeah, that's the ticket. it holds its own breed of crack.
Users
- The /pol/ faggots of Reddit that share every little detail about the news and politics between each other.
- Deranged teenagers with burgers up their ass that are then puked out into pieces called "tweets" on whatever subject they put their special little mind to.
- Celebrity do exist on Twitter, but only for the amount time they are paid to be.
- Reposters and shitposters. You will see them everywhere.
- Homosexuality+ misfits, protesting faggots, and all the others that everyone is forced to abide with.
- Consumers: those that do not interact with the site... only mindless watching, reading, liking. This is the most common.
- Old people will usually start with Twitter on their journey of discovering the social of medias.
I'm Blocked?
Why you're blocked
- You owned them
- You scare them
- I did it for the lulz
- For disagreeing (examples: ResetERA, Anita Sarkeesian, etc.)
...and most commonly...
- They have NO reason
How to still see your shit
You can see their stuff, but can't look up statuses for tweets, favoriting their tweets, and following them.
- Logging out or using incognito mode
- Make a new account
- Impersonate someone else to fool them with a sock account
- If they are private, impersonate someone and they will accept your request, otherwise hack someone's twitter to see their tweets or get their allowance to use it
- Force them to unblock you (CHALLENGE!)
Apps
For being such a boring and useless website, Twitter has over 9,000 apps to waste space on your harddrive. Examples below.
- twhirl - Stupid-looking waste of space.
- netvibes - Don't expect to know what this website even does.
- twitterific (more like Shiterific, amirite)- Hmmm...post on the website for free, or buy a program to do the same shit for $15US?
- twitterfox - A Mozilla Firefox plug-in. If Firefox is even open, it should take a few seconds to update with or without the plug-in.
- twit - Named after those who download it. Only for weeaboos.
- twitterfeed - Semiuseful service for getting RSS feed items to a twitter account.
- tinytwitter - Boring.
For some reason, these are all really popular.
PROTIP: Avoid the above apps and spend your money on something more useful.
Entries
Since Twitter is basically a retarded LiveJournal, updates might range between one to two letters. Generally, an entry may be about what music someone's listening to, when they're going somewhere, a response to someone else, what they just clicked on, what they just thought, what letter they just thought about, what punctuation they just thought about, or beautiful poetry.
Even Twitter's own web site introduction admits that Twitter is redundant and offers no social benefit:
No troll hypothesis
In 2007, many fanbois and retarded bitches persistently claimed that trolling does not occur on Twitter. News of this Troll Free Zone - unheard of in the history of the Internet - spread far and wide, and caused a massive explosion of late to the party lusers to sign up.
This theory has been officially trashed, as evidenced by the trolling of many famous persons including Bill O'Reily, Britney Spears, Trent Reznor, and other douches in the late morning hours of 2009, 
as reported by paid trolls Gawker.
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This guy likes crack, failed to go to work, or something.
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Barack Hussein Obama will give you free money.
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Arianna Huffington, I guess?
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Tila Tequila is dead lol.
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The right answer to fail.
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eBaum's raids Twitter.
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Wow, you can teach my children any day.
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Ugly and stupid.
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That's a really smooth cover-up.
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Rule1 fail.
Drama! Twitter refuses to uphold terms of service! Oh noes!
Unfortunate Ariel Waldman unfortunately works for Twitter's unfortunate competitor Pownce:
—Ariel does the right thing. | ||
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Instead of using the rather obvious block feature to ignore the offsensive user, Ariel began to harass the Twitter admins with complaint messages, only to be ignored. Butthurt and embarrassed, Ariel embarked on a large scale publicity whoring campaign to let the world at large know that Twitter refuses to uphold their terms of service' including lawyers and all.
The whole event caused a great deal of worry and concern for Twitter's loyal followers, as it provided a simple and obvious proof to invalidate the No Troll Hypothesis, and raepd them of any perceptions of their "specialness" as an "online community."
Scalability is serious fucking business (My cock is bigger than yours)
The instability of the Twitterverse and obsessive posting habits of many lusers means that daily use of Twitter has the network profile of a Denial of Service, frequently choking the site and blocking updates. This forces the lusers back to their usual faggotry where they whine and complain or post fawning sycophantic comments on the fail blog, a colossal feedback loop of narcissism leading to a dripping clusterfuck of triviality.
Transcript of a typical tweeting episode
- Tweet / LuSer: eating a bagel! om nom nom (10:41am)
- Blog / LuSer: twitter is down! waiting for it to come back (10:43am)
- Blog / LuSer: twitter is still down :( (10:51am)
- Tweet / LuSer: is this working? (10:58am)
- Tweet / LuSer: seems to be working (10:59am)
- Blog / LuSer: twitter is back again! (10:59am)
- Blog / LuSer: twitter is down (11:01am)
From the outside, this typical behavior could easily be construed as vapid insanity. But engineers know that Twitter is Serious Fucking Business, making every Twitter failure a grand opportunity to compare penis size in blog posts that use the magic word Scalability. Technical experts know that Twitter is a Distributed Messaging Service, which means that only engineers with massive cocks can understand the significance. Nothing could be more important than typical LuSer losing her ability to tell her retarded followers what she had for lunch. Of course, engineers know that they have bigger dicks than you and the Twitter developers, which is why they're obliged to mutually masturbate over every instance of Twitter fail, an activity which they call scalability advice from the trenches. This continues to happen, despite the fact that none of them have ever managed a successful high traffic website, nor do they have any fucking idea what the Twitter architecture actually looks like. The tubes are alive with the sound of fap fap fapping.
Technical expert reasons why Twitter architecture epitomizes fail
- It is built with Ruby on Rails.
- The series of tubes is not gay enough to handle distributed asynchronous push-style messaging.
- TL;DR
Actual reason why Twitter architecture epitomizes fail
- Twitter is a joke business that generates no money but plenty of lulz for its developers, who are attention whores addicted to the shit storm that occurs every time their service goes down. Twitter claims that it is not interested in PROFIT??? (lulz wtf?) and only wants to expand its user base, everyone knows that the real reason is because their users are all niggers so they'll never be able to make any money off of them. They're just trying to see how long they can trick Investors that they have a plan.
The current plan goes something like this:
1)Get a bunch of niggers to join.
2)????
3)Profit!!!11oneoneone.
Search.Twitter.com
As a sister site, Search Twitter is a real-time search engine with which you can see what is being said about certain keywords at any moment. It's a decent tool for seeing what the sheeple are thinking. Go ahead, try out "4chan," or "I am gay." This might be the only redeemable aspect of Twitter.
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That there is cancer.
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Coming out of the e-closet.
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OMG TWILIGHT!!!1!111ONE
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Guise, i had bacon. iz this mean i have teh swine fevar?
Of course, the best time to use Search.Twitter is when there is a mass panic about. For instance, the swine flu scare showed just how stupid people became in times of crisis.
2009 Iranian riots
Twatter has finally filled a niche, albeit a dirty, smelly one. Iranian citizens have recently begun rioting in the streets because their poster-boy candidate wasn't elected. Being the cunning, organized people they are, the people are now using Twatter as a way to communicate quickly and efficiently. As seen here, live 'tweets' from the Revolutionaries are being made.
What does this mean for Twatter? It means that Web 2.0 has unknowingly shat out a perfect tool for anarchist communication. LOL!
The Fry fiasco
Sometime during 2009, between October and November, Stephen FUCKING Fry was happily typing away on his Twitter page, talking about what cereal he had for breakfast and when he was to film new TV shows, when all of a sudden a fellow Twitfag by the name of BrumPlum went on his page and suggested that Stephen Fry may be a bit boring.
Now instead of just ignoring him, Stephen Fry fell for the troll bait and left a butthurt comment on the troll's page.
This was nothing compared to what his fans did. They immediately treated the troll like some sort of rapist, bombarding Brum's page with hate comments and even threatened to kill him.
Seeing what had happened, Stephen Fry panicked and threatened to quit the Internet because he thought that Twitter had become a way of spreading drama.
His fans, not wanting to see their great messiah leave their social networking site, cried for at least 100 days until Stephen Fry came back, admitting that he hadn't grabbed his pills that day when he said he would leave.
—Someone taking their social networking way too seriously | ||
David Cameron on Twitter
9.00 David Cameron says sorry for 'twat' comment during radio interview http://bit.ly/41nsJT
9.01 David Cameron apologises for accidentally killing Archbishop Desmond Tutu live on Loose Women whilst submitting him to a 'dutch oven'
9.09 David Cameron apologises for nude photoshoot in Nuts in which he smears porridge on the grave of Farrah Fawcett and eats a live mouse.
9.11 David Cameron apologises for waggling his vomit-stained cock at David Frost in an interview desribed by Tory HQ as 'otherwise basically ok.'
9.12 David Cameron apologises for holding Nelson Mandela in a headlock on 6Music. Reports that he was nude & blacked-up remain unconfirmed.
9.15 David Cameron apologises for threatening to eat Diana Athill's hair live on the Radio 4 Bookclub.
9.16 David Cameron apologises for slicing off own nipples during PMQs. 'That's Cocaine Dave' shrugged a spokesman. 'He's off his tits. Literally'
9.17 David Cameron apologises for kicking pensioner to death during Question Time, urinating on Paddy Ashdown and then quietly vomiting
9.18 David Cameron apologises for rubbing genitals on camera-lens whilst eating faeces from ice-cream cone during Newsround.
9.20 David Cameron apologises for whipping out cock and pursuing Fern Britton across Broadcasting House whilst screaming.
9.25 http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/8188201.stm
(who the fuck is "david cameron"?)
Ebert v. Breitbart
Last Thursday, Roger Ebert was shooting some B-Ball outside the school when Andrew Breitbart, who was up to no good, started making trouble in his neighborhood. They got in one little fight and Salon got scared, and said "you're moving in with your Aunty and Uncle in Boulder."
Breitbart, a right-wing controversialist in part responsible for the OBAMACORN scandal, baited liberal movie critic Ebert with a comment about some movie. The exchange goes as follows:
—andrewbreitbart | ||
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This little slapfight, reported on by Salon.com, only scratches the surface of an ongoing back and forth between the two pundits. You can find the full article here. They are both DEAD now anyway, so lol.
XSS Twitter exploit
Last Thursday, some enterprising individuals found out you can embed CSS code in tweets and basically fuck up entire walls and pages.
Actually scratch that, turns out you could also run Javascript commands triggered onmouseover. What crazy scripts can you write in 140 characters? Why:
- Trigger annoying alert windows
- Crank up the font size to 999px and wreck the entire home page
- Create a giant overlay that masks the entire site
- Create a self-replicating tweet that retweets itself simply by people looking at it
- Get the prime minister's wife to post about pornography
- Get the US Press Secretary to post DEATH TO AMERICA
- Combine all of the above and basically make the entire site unusable as self-replicating tweets consume everybody's profiles
The event lasted for several hours on the morning of 9/21, until the hole was finally patched. Plans for a mosque are currently underway.
Important rules for Twitter
- 1 Do not post political shit unless you're an aged, wrinkled voice over whore with an angry army of cloppers who will always jump to your defense because they think you will show sagging udders as a reward.
- 2 Seriously, don't do it. (Rule # 1) Politics on Twitter isn't about right or wrong but rather who has the largest army of mindless, retarded, zombie zealots who won't argue the point but rather go on about how inhuman you are to oppose their whore goddess.
- 3 Be as base as possible. Twitter is for the low of IQ who are still trying to make their way through Dick and Jane. No more than 8 or 9 words. Follow this example and you'll never go wrong. Grr, Trump bad. me hate rich white man. Get rid of.
- 4 Twitter is mostly for the rich and famous to infect the masses with their belief of the day. Unless you're a sycophant who likes to have others tell you what to think, stay away because the only way you will ever get replies is if you piss off a celebrity and they send their personal army after you. Don't even use that half-assed excuse that you use twitter to keep up with your family. If you'd rather tweet, "Mom died," rather then make some phone calls, you don't deserve to come out of your basement.
- 5 It's for the stupid. See rule #3. If you think you can make a compelling argument with 140 characters, you're dumber than this retard. If you think you have something to say, start a web page.
- 6 You are not going to save the world with a twitter account. Get it out of your head. To save the world you need to do something that requires a little more involvement like leaving your basement. Twitter is designed so that people will be fooled into thinking that celebrities are political and care about the people beneath them when they retweet a post about giving up their lunch to hand out food for meals on wheels. Before you even start the argument, Well I saw a picture of Mark Hammil, ask yourself, how did the press know where he was going to be and why does the picture have such high photographic value like good lighting?
- 7 Twitter should only be used to post what you're having dinner or as a witness to post proof that that fire crotch you took home last night actually sucked your dick. Dirty jokes and nip slips are always welcome.
- 8 Beware of celebrities who claim to be movers and shakers but have the time to be full time, twitter hooker-whores like Leann Rimes, Tara Strong, Alyssa Milano and I'm going to whore Scientology for money Lea Remini. It's always the has beens that man their twitter accounts like an Arizona Militia member along the Mexican border because they either A: Have no new work to report because no one will hire them, B: They're irrelevant and are trying to drum up press or C: They've crossed into the crazy and are looking for a good dick pull from their loyal fans who can only say ditto to everything they say or will fall over themselves to tell their god or goddess how brilliant they are.
- 9 Partially based on Rule #8. Twitter is only there to agree with people. If you have a differing opinion then go somewhere else with it because by voicing it you're either being a troll or an asshole. Freedom of Speech and open forums are only for the government, not for has been actors with an agenda.
- 10 The most important rule. If you haven't been on Twatter for a minimum of 6 years don't even consider posting because you're a noob and everyone hates noobs.
#RIPTwitter
It's official! Twitter is finally going down the shithole! It was announced on 02/05/2016 that Twitter will be adding a reverse chronological feed with an algorithmic timeline. This cause Twitterfags to rage and protest Twitter with the #RIPTwitter hashtag. But wait, Twitter's still not done taking a shit to make it even worse! Few days later Twitter announced the Twitter Trust & Safety Council (TTSC) adding "experts working for safety and free expression.” One of those 'experts' from the council include Feminist Frequency also known as the greedy gluttonous censorship-power hungry villainous feminazi jew Anita Sarkeesian! That's another good reason to shove the #RIPTwitter hashtag down their throats until they choke on it.
Not to mention the friendly folks who use it to attack each other:
—--http://www.buzzfeed.com/charliewarzel/a-honeypot-for-assholes-inside-twitters-10-year-failure-to-s "A Honeypot For Assholes" |
Elon Musk era
After years of censoring posts out of butthurt, the feds and the censorship squad were BTFO when known aspie Elon Musk purchased Twitter outright for $44 billion. The meltdown from the left produced many lulz and flouncing. Moar meltdowns were seen when Musk suggested paying $8 for a verified badge. Several "celebrities" have left the site and almost all will return because they are all Twitter addicts.
Conclusion: eight dollars is now a meme.
Twitter was awash in liberal tears as Musk went about his task of making Twitter great again by firing the "content curation" team only days before the 2022 US midterm elections. Democrat plans of being able to astroturf and censor their way to victory were demolished, like liberal tears in rain. Internet Jews were reported to be on suicide watch after Musk restored the Twitter account of Donald Trump and The Voice of a Generation, who promptly posted about the Jews and their lies, while claiming the name of the Jew for some reason. Twitter, or 𝕏 if you worship everything Elon Musk does in place of a personality, under Elon is now mainly blue check verified accounts reposting whatever garbage is trending on reddit for ad revenue money since Twitter now gives out ad revenue money to anyone who pays Elon $8 a month.
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| ALERT: THIS IS A FORCED MEME |
| ░M░Y░P░U░S░S░Y░I░N░B░I░O░ will be posted by the same unfunny newfag until you like it. |
Last Thursday, The Google was unleashed by Elon's complete mishandling of Moderator and now Twitter is filled to the brim with pornbots that spam ░M░Y░P░U░S░S░Y░I░N░B░I░O░ everywhere, with the ░P░U░S░S░Y░ in question being a link to a fake OnlyFans page, as is the case with any other pornbot on every other platform. The ░P░U░S░S░Y░I░N░B░I░O░ spam has become such common place that Twittards have turned it into the latest Forced Meme of the month.
Elon later shat out Grok, a Chat GPT clone with Reddit tier humor which you need to pay 30 fucking dollars for which Elon claims will be the greatest AI evar.
Musk Reveals All
Christmas has come early, and Musk has brought with him presents in the form of receipts. He announced to all of Twitter on December 2nd 2022 that he would reveal what was goin on behind the scenes regarding the Hunter Biden laptop fiasco. Some (if not most) of the information provided is stuff people already knew about YEARS ago, but it's nice to have confirmation and evidence. Unfortunately, he did this in the most assinine way possible by having someone else post the information INDIVIDUALLY rather than make one huge Twitterlonger, proving once again that boomers can't into tech for shit. To make things worse, Twitter's own system decided to delete some of those tweets moments after they were posted. Good job dumbasses. Musk claimed there would be more information down the road each day, and aside from a one week hiccup thanks to some faggot gatekeeping the process (whom was promptly fired by Musk as a result), he's keeping his promise. Also they decided to censor names and faces after the first two drops because SJW's can't handle when the other side uses their same tactic and were threatening to throw the book at Musk and the people he was giving the info to. If that wasn't bad enough, the tweet posts KEEP. GETTING. BIGGER.
So to save time, page size, and disk space on the servers, rather than upload every single tweet in a gallery (because at this point that would be pants-shittingly retarded), a thread reader and archive link will be provided. Anything that the thread reader was unable to capture will be shown in the gallary as left-overs (because even Thread Reader can't handle their 60+ single posts bullshit)
Friday December 2nd, 2022 - The Twitter Files
Thread Reader: https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1598822959866683394.html
Archive: https://archive.vn/kWYjN
The introduction. Shows how Democrats and the left in general were throwing money at Twitter for it to become what it is today (at least before Musk took over). Also talks about the cover-up going on inside Twitter with Hunder Biden's laptop. Basically a taste of things to come with future drops.
As a side note, when celebrity James Woods heard about how they purposefully wanted to remove him, he announced he would sue Twitter over their censorship bullshit.
Thusday December 8th, 2022 - Twitter's Secret Blacklist
Thread Reader: https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1601007575633305600.html
Archive: https://archive.vn/Nffgw
Discusses shadowbanning and how not everyone was crazy for assuming they weren't getting noticed anymore. Even Libs Of TikTok were affected by this.
Friday December 9th, 2022 - The Removal Of Donald Trump Part One
Thread Reader: https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1601352083617505281.html
Archive: https://archive.ph/wXirj
Self explanatory. Donald Trump triggered the fuck out of everyone at Twitter HQ. So much so that even the feds got involved and wanted him gone for good. We also learn that Yoel Roth is a pedo kike that was trying to push sexual shit onto children online HARD.
Saturday December 10th, 2022
Thread Reader: https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1601720455005511680.html
Archive: https://archive.vn/YdW0U
Part 2 of Banning Donald Trump from Twitter. Even after making a statement that they wouldn't, Twitter did it anyways. Apparently Jack Dorsey was on vacation and either didn't know what was going on in his own office or didn't give a shit because the rats were running the show behind his back. They basically went "SHUT IT DOWN!" mode on everything Trump related (including QAnon retardation). Zuckerberg, not wanting to be outdone, also bans Trump from Facebook afterwards.
Monday December 12th 2022
Thread Reader: https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1602364197194432515.html
Archive: https://archive.vn/1440a
More info regarding Trump and Twitter. Twitter caving into peer pressure, acting like they won when they finally suspended Trump, and trying to figure out how to spin it. One would think when looking at the chat screenshots that Twitter was filled with over-dramatic spiteful teenage school girls. This essentially gave Twitter an ego-trip to start ban-hammering anyone they didn't like even for minor stuff.
Friday December 16th 2022
Thread Reader: https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1603857534737072128.html
Archive: https://archive.vn/yiZmh
All about the Feds. FBI interference with Twitter, using it as a political platform and working with basically any other 3 letter agency you can think of to silence people that were not going along with the narrative. Re-defined what was and wasn't considered "misinformation".
Tuesday December 20th 2022
Thread Reader: https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1605292454261182464.html
Archive: https://archive.vn/6xSKA
More info regarding government control of Twitter ,specifically the Pentagon and DOD. Twitter lying to congress (again) this time about shutting down sate propaganda. Pentagon running psyops on Twitter.
Monday December 26th 2022
Thread Reader: https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1607378386338340867.html
Archive: https://archive.vn/k4mbF
Censorship relating to COVID-19. The Biden adminisatration basically giving tech companies free reign over anything "anti-vaxx" related, and getting pissed off when said tech companies weren't being aggressive enough with their actions.
Tweets (yes, they are all real!!)
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Gallery
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Twitter users finally getting their priorities in order.
See also
- Angie The Atheist - Tweeted about her abortion.
- Feminist Frequency - Censored your free speech.
- Black Twitter
- The Krassenstein Brothers - Pedo, always trolls Trump's threads like a loser, and a #Resist troll. Was permanently banned from Twitter in 2019.
- Cloaking
- Digg
- The Krassenstein Brothers - Pedo, always trolls Trump's threads like a loser, and a #Resist troll like his twin. Was permanently banned from Twitter in 2019.
- Donald Trump
- Failbook #RIPTwitter
- Foursquare
- Gab.ai - Much better than Twitter.
- GamerGate - Hashtag still trends.
- Generation Snowflake
- Hashtag
- Jonathan McIntosh went #FullMcIntosh.
- Kate Leth - ComicsGate SJW who attacks people and works on High Guardian Spice
- LiveJournal
- Morrissey - Tweeted about his asexuality.
- Myspace
- Patrick S. Tomlinson - A pedophile who was banned from Twitter and paid a lawyer $5,000 to get it back.
- peskysnowflake - #Resist troll
- Roseanne Barr
- San Francisco
- Social networking sites
- TS;DR
- tumblr
- TWITsci
- Vine
- Zoe Quim - Ate at Five Guys.
- #Cut4Bieber
- #OpRollRedRoll
- @
- @CapsCop
- @horse_ebooks
External links
- Main page
- People don't read stories they tweet
- What to do in a plane crash? Tweet about it while it's happening.
- Get your boss to use Twitter
- Communism and Twitter
- Vanity Fair
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Twatter is part of a series on Visit the Social Media Portal for complete coverage. |
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Twatter is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article December 18 & December 19, 2017 | ||
| Preceded by Star Wars |
Twatter | Succeeded by Kraut and Tea |
| Featured article January 12, 13 and 14, 2021 | ||
| Preceded by Thedonald.win |
Twatter | Succeeded by Trolling IRL |
| Article of the Now April 27-29, 2022 | ||
| Preceded by Daddy |
Twatter | Succeeded by Elon Musk |