HealthCare.gov: Difference between revisions
imported>Schnookums No edit summary |
imported>Schnookums (→Video) |
||
| Line 25: | Line 25: | ||
The administration also responded to [[Rage|criticism]] by adding a feature that would [["Just Google It"|tell you]] exactly what the new insurance would [[Over 9000|cost you]], without completing any of the uncompletable forms previously [[Tits or GTFO|required]]. The only problem with this feature is it [[Lies|deliberately understates]] the cost by nearly half in an attempt to get you to register. Obama seems to have forgotten that there are already [[Wikipedia|sites]] to spread his lies without the trouble of creating an entirely new one. As an [[A winner is you|added bonus]], millions of employees have already been [[Lesbian Break-Up|dumped]] from their current insurance policies in anticipation of the [[China|Great Leap Forward]] HealthCare.gov represents. Those people may never receive treatment for the [[HNNNNNNGGGGG|hypertension]] and [[Falcon Punch|screen punching]] related injuries caused by navigating HealthCare.gov. | The administration also responded to [[Rage|criticism]] by adding a feature that would [["Just Google It"|tell you]] exactly what the new insurance would [[Over 9000|cost you]], without completing any of the uncompletable forms previously [[Tits or GTFO|required]]. The only problem with this feature is it [[Lies|deliberately understates]] the cost by nearly half in an attempt to get you to register. Obama seems to have forgotten that there are already [[Wikipedia|sites]] to spread his lies without the trouble of creating an entirely new one. As an [[A winner is you|added bonus]], millions of employees have already been [[Lesbian Break-Up|dumped]] from their current insurance policies in anticipation of the [[China|Great Leap Forward]] HealthCare.gov represents. Those people may never receive treatment for the [[HNNNNNNGGGGG|hypertension]] and [[Falcon Punch|screen punching]] related injuries caused by navigating HealthCare.gov. | ||
== | == YouTube == | ||
<center><youtube>BkLY04Aozbw</youtube> | |||
; | {|style="margin: 0 auto" | ||
|{{frame|{{Videoframe|vf||font-weight:bold; | |||
|<center><youtube>BkLY04Aozbw</youtube> | |||
;Obama: No One Said Apple Should Shut Down</center> | |||
|<center><youtube>6AmSWKU9CcY</youtube> | |||
;The Daily Show: 10/21/13</center> | |||
|<center><youtube>uqo7eBPq3C4</youtube> | |||
;Chat with Healthcare.gov</center> | |||
|<center><youtube>rFJ_yvfeWPg</youtube> | |||
;I hate mindless black people that vote for Obama because he's black!</center> | |||
}}|border=lightgray}} | |||
|} | |||
== Gallery == | == Gallery == | ||
Revision as of 15:44, 5 November 2013
The second coming of Black Jesus and HealthCare.gov has long been prophesied by loyal followers. In 2008 the messiah returned and spoke unto the masses. In order to be forgiven for their sins, subjects need to obtain medical services, or else. All those who were enlightened, flocked to HealthCare.gov, and almost 1% of those who attempted to sign up were instantly blessed. By government standards, this is a huge success. However, some ignorant non-believers have declared this blessing unusable and will spend an eternity burning in hell.
Genesis
Teaching from the holy scripture state that in the beginning, the half-breed messiah would have a dream. Soon all black minorities could consume all the purple drank they wanted and receive treatment for their bullet wounds. To help spread the word to the uneducated masses, followers would also be given cans of spray paint. And Obama said, "Let there be healthcare," and the online marketplace appeared. Obama saw that the online marketplace was good, and be separated the whites from the blacks.
Now all niggers, too stupid to finish school, could shop for health insurance using their stolen iPhone from the comfort of their crack dens. Initially, the site which distributed information about the impending apocalypse, mimicked most internet startups, it fluid, scalable and open source. In fact, all major flaws with this early site were fixed by the open source community.
Upon seeing his creation, Obama became enraged. Creating a government website in this manner is the work of the devil. Even worse, all of the developers were white. Unable to locate any black people capable of operating a computer, Obama sent his angels to Canada, along with half a billion dollars, and asked them to create a new website. This time, only maple niggers were allowed to contribute, they spent their development dollars on hookers and blow. After working around the clock, a collection of stolen and buggy code was turned in.
Knowing what is best for the ignorant, Obama made a minor last minute adjustment just before the site's launch. As a test of their faith, the unwashed masses were required to register before they could browse the holy offerings from the Black Jesus. Since all insurance policies are perfect, ratings were removed and forbidden so disbelievers couldn't spread lies and slander. His disciples dared not question their leader, testing of the sacred website was strictly forbidden. Those who dared to do so were burned at the stake.
Revelation
The marketplace opened its doors on October 1st, 2013. It was perhaps the single worst website ever created. The contractors also failed to realize that forcing people to do something makes them do that something, so they made the website which was intended to serve the entire nation able to serve only 50,000 people at a time. On the 1st, the traffic load was five times the expected amount, temporarily rendering the site a smoldering crater full of AIDS. But even the lucky few who could actually access the site were caught in a labyrinthine system of forms that could not be edited once information was added, endless loops, and dead ends. Several people died of cancer while attempting to find their way through an avalanche of buggy bullshit. The problems were so severe, even unplugging the marketplace and then plugging it back in couldn't fix it.
When people complained about what a waste of time the website was, Obama's minions directed Americans to call a 1-800 number, where a call center would register and shop for you. If by some miracle a caller got through, these call centers were Stalinist work camps, staffed by functional retards making minimum wage to read a script. Even the script was fucked beyond repair, because when people called in with problems, they were prompted to reset their password. Expert opinion is mixed as to how effective password reset is in fixing terrible design, development, and implementation. When one of these call center drones simply answered a call from a regime critic, she was fired, in true totalitarian fashion.
Exodus
After the site was launched, only to crash and burn on the launching pad, Obama surveyed the wreckage. He had wasted 500 million dollars doing what ED does with porn ad revenue and listless rimjobs. He claimed all the problems could be fixed with a surge, despite two failed surges in the very recent past suggesting otherwise. The staffer hired to hatch this rotten egg is optimistic that this half billion dollar abortion can be operational by the end of November, merely two months after it was supposed to be functional, and just fifteen days before the original deadline to comply. Obama's rape train was forced to grind to a halt while the carcass of HealthCare.gov is being cleared from the tracks, so the original deadline was chucked right out the window along with all hopes of real healthcare reform.
The administration also responded to criticism by adding a feature that would tell you exactly what the new insurance would cost you, without completing any of the uncompletable forms previously required. The only problem with this feature is it deliberately understates the cost by nearly half in an attempt to get you to register. Obama seems to have forgotten that there are already sites to spread his lies without the trouble of creating an entirely new one. As an added bonus, millions of employees have already been dumped from their current insurance policies in anticipation of the Great Leap Forward HealthCare.gov represents. Those people may never receive treatment for the hypertension and screen punching related injuries caused by navigating HealthCare.gov.
YouTube
|
Gallery
-
Front page fix'd.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Typical HealthCare.gov user
-
The last thing you will ever see on Healthcare.gov
See Also
| HealthCare.gov is part of a series on Race |
[Click for moar] Races to Holocaust |
|---|