Patreon
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GIEV ME MOAR MONEY SO I CAN |
Patreon is an online begging/money laundering website where unnoticed sellout artists and furfags go to to rob money from their affectionate fantards. Unlike PayPal or any other form of donations website, Patreons are expected to pay for the product before it is even made so that fat fucks can put even less effort into making it. What makes this the king of Jew schemes is that all donations take the form of monthly payments, making it the perfect supplement to food stamps.
The site has also been a big attraction to fat freckled faced sonicfags, feminist con artists, pornartists, and sick fucks who also love to suck cock for $$$. It's also a good place to play keep-away with lolcows by promising to give them money and then backing out at the last moment.
Ethical Practices
Patreon charges people 15% of the money that is donated to them for acting like a glorified delivery service. They literally do nothing besides make bank transfers while raking in more of a cut than a Hollywood agent. And when they aren't robbing people blind, they're working hand-in-hand with known con artists to help them try and do the same. In particular serial rapists Brianna Wu and Zoe Quim, alongside meth addict Randi Harper have allegedly convinced Patreon to make up contrived excuses to ban people they dislike... or so Wu claims. However, this is the same Brianna Wu who once posted "proof" of filing a restraining order against a person that doesn't exist, so she probably did virtually nothing and is now trying to take credit.
Either way, while sites like ED and 8chan got banned (neither of us lost any money over it), the LJ TOS is selectively enforced, so that people like over 9000 incest porn cartoonist and Shanley Kane get to keep their accounts despite Patreon admitting that they are in clear violation. Some might come to the mistaken conclusion that Patreon has been taken over by Social Justice's, but in reality, Patreon refused to ban The Sarkeesian Effect and would probably let ISWAP use their services as long as no one complains, rather than willingly forgo any of their precious shekels. That's because Patreon is run by something worse than SJWs, greedy jews.
"So, how do I use Patreon?"
Simple, you just make an account promising to create content if people financially support you and then create it. However, that won't actually get you any money. The right way to earn money on Patreon is to do the exact opposite. IE: create some kind of content until you gather up enough gullible fans and then promptly stop doing anything once you get enough supporters to have your rent regularly paid.
Or you could just make porn.
You see, actual good artists don't make any money on Patreon. But if you are willing to draw 8 year old cartoon characters from children's TV shows being fucked in the ass by their dad, you'll be swimming in it. You don't even have to be good! As long as you draw something there will be enough autistic manchildren that will pay you as long as they get to jerk off to some MS Paint drawn tits. Or just draw it furry. Since furries have yet to discover the wonders of going outside, enough of them are glued to their computer screen, thinking about which kind of dog they would most like to fuck, that they can easily pay your wage.
The third way to make money on Patreon is professional victimhood.
Simply send a death threat to yourself on twitter and then screencap it (remember to log back in to your real account and wait a few seconds so it doesn't look too obvious like it did when Feminist Frequency did it) and watch the money roll in. That is, unless you're a white male. But it's sure to work if you're black asian hispanic jewish cripple dying a woman.
Because SJWs don't actually care about minorities, this scam only works for women and the only people who donate to them are white knights. However, if you're not a woman and still want to profit off of this, simply do what Laurelai did and say you're a tranny. You don't actually have to get diagnosed or have surgery or anything, just grow out your hair a little and make no attempt of looking any less like a man whatsoever. If anyone complains you can accuse them of denying your identity and say you're the kind of tranny who's a different gender inside but doesn't need to act on it outwardly (that's a real fake thing on tumblr right now), then respond to all future allegations of fraud with claims of harassment. That way you might still not get any money from SJWs, but you'll be able to make a good profit off of the same white knights that would support women, but happen to also like dick girls.
How to Troll Patreon
Simply either donate to people you want to troll with money you don't have so that every month they are disappointed when no money gets through from your rejected credit card, or promise to donate an absurd amount of money to someone you don't like, only to withdraw your support a day before the money is to be charged. Much like was done to Brianna Wu when someone pledges $10,000 to his Patreon and then cancelled his account shortly before the money was about to come through.
This has the added bonus of pissing off the trolls who hate this person by making them think a lolcow that they hate is about to get a lot of money, allowing you to participate in the time-honored tradition of trolls trolling trolls.
KickStarter/IndieGoGo Variation
KickStarter and IndieGoGo are even more susceptible to this sort of troll.
What you do is: Find a project that you want to fuck up, pledge almost the entire amount needed to fund it, and withdraw your pledge a day before completion. This works best with projects that have only started, and is particularly lulzy because it may convince potential donors that the project has already been funded and there is no need to contribute. This way, when you finally revert your pledge, the entire thing will be too late to save and will crash along with the creator's hopes and dreams.
People who use Patreon
- Feminists who are shinning examples of independence.
- Atheists whose shamelessness proves that there is no God.
- Washed up Video Game Reviewers.
- Aspiring Internet reviewers that nobody watches.
- Furry artists, porn artists and furry porn artists.
- Con artists.
Patreon Accounts Worth Supporting
8chanNope. Got banned, and when Patreon asked hotwheelz to come back he told them to fuck off because now he gets his money from 2channel.Encyclopedia DramaticaNOPE. Spent about a year openly antagonizing them before creating our own donation server that works exactly like Patreon a week prior to getting banned over the "Nigger" article. Everyone moved, we didn't lose any money and now we don't even have to give those jews 15%.- ?????
Quality Patreon Content
While honorable organizations like ED and 8chan.net are banned per request of overweight feminists, here is some of the stuff that does meet Patreon's meticulous standards, including but not limited to CP, bestiality, incest and rape. Someone has taken the liberty of transforming some of these examples into advertisements for the site, which you can feel free to spread around.
See also
- Jew Gold
- Internet poor
- Flag Burners
- Nigger
- Brianna Wu
- The Sarkeesian Effect
- Only 2 percent - The amount of money that will actually end up reaching you if you use Patreon
- Hypocrisy - It seems like it was only yesterday that ED was banned from Patreon for violating community guidelines
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Companies |
AdFly • Adobe • Amazon • Apple • AT&T Blocks 4chan • BDIC • Bell • Bitcoin • Burger King • Celestial Toystore • Comcast disease • Costco • Disney • DuckDuckGo • eBay • Ethereum • Faux News • BDIC/GNWT • The Google • Happy Madison Productions • IBM • IKEA • Microsoft • McDonald's • MTV • New Media Rockstars • Nintendo • Novell • Oracle Corporation • Patreon • PayPal • PlayStation • Oracle Corporation • T-Mobile • Verizon • Viacom • Wal-Mart • FANDOM (website) • Yahoo! • YouTube |
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| People |
Bernie Madoff • Bill Gates • Chad Hurley • Gregory Kohs • Hal Turner • Jews • Jimbo Wales • Klaus Schwab • L. Ron Hubbard • Larry Sanger • Lyor Cohen • Mario Laudicina • Martin Shkreli • Steve Chen • Steve Jobs | |
| Ideology / Politics |
Austerity • Bailout Plan • Capitalism • Communism • Globalisation • Government • Gun control • Health Care Rage • Iceslave • Jews • Karl Marx • Obamacare • Ron Paul • Ayn Rand ✡ • Randroid • Socialist • Ronald Reagan • Welfare • Zeitgeist Movement • Zeitgeist - The Movie | |
| Selling |
Advertising • Bitcoin • Bribery • EXTREME ADVERTISING • BILLY MAYS • Porn Advertisements • Shamwow • Spam • Subservient Chicken • Winnebago Man • George Zimmer | |
| Topics |
419 Nigerian Email Scams • The Dot.Com Bubble • Economist • Economy • Foreign Girlfriend • Internet money • Jew Gold • Money • NFTs • Poor • Profit • Rape dollars • $cientology • Toilet Paper Hoarding • Unlimited disposable income |
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Patreon is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article May 5st & 6nd, 2015 | ||
| Preceded by æ-tan |
Patreon | Succeeded by Maryland |