Theneedledrop
theneedledrop -- or Anthony Fantano, as he is known to the nurses at the assisted-care facility -- is the self-proclaimed "busiest music nerd on the internet" and the epitome of a know-it-all hipster, listening to bands you've probably never heard of, whilst he oozes unwarranted self importance, like some sort of giant horrific scene slug. Although he claims to be "busy" it turns the very definition of the word on its head, as most human beings tend to use the word in relation to gainful employment, the crafting of artwork to last the ages, or an active social life -- none of which factor into Fantano's life. In truth, he's just another talentless hipster faggot with a webcam. Fantano spends his life listening to music because otherwise he'd have no reason to continue drawing breath, using other's artistic endevours and creations to shape a personality for himself means his true form is a blank hollow shell.
His videos drag on and on for far too long, and he pathetically attempts to lesson the mind-numbing boredom by splicing in the occasional colorful subliminal image of his tiny cawk, or attempting some teeth-grindingley unfunny comedy, usually through the channel of his abhorrent sockpuppet "Cal Chuchesta". Of course none of this spices up the dull throb of watching what is effectively an egg with glasses talk about his views on the new direction of "Morning fart"s' craptacular new debut or some shit. Despite this, he's miraculously managed to amass an army of PBT sipping mouth-breathers to worship every spit bubble that pops from his gaping mouth, shamelessly parroting his shitty opinions concerning the state of modern music.
His Rise to Youtube and Mu/ fame
Fantano has been crowned "The King of /mu/". He has gotten a lot of attention on Youtube for his shitty music review videos because he caters to the average INDEH hipster fans for whom Pitchfork.com is too mainstream. His fans parrot Anthony blindly on any opinion that dribbles out past his New Yawk accent. If he rates an album lower than a 6, people will say that they also hated said album and will mock anyone who likes it as a plebe.
A typical Fantano thread on /mu/ will begin with something like, I want Anthony Fantano to fist my ass because he scored an album i like favorably, he is wise and stern and let's burn down a Tower Records!11!!11
Fantano did manage to do some inadvertent trolling when he reviewed the album "Goblin" by Tyler the Creator, causing fat diseased /mu/tants everywhere to shake their flabby arms in outrage when he gave it a measly "6.0". Torn between their sexual attraction to Fagtano and their unbridled desire for Tyler it split the board apart, and people shot opinions out of their penises at each other long into the night, despite the significant fact that noone cares.
The Internet's Lamest Music Nerd
Here are a few things that you may or may not wish to know about Anthony. Keep in mind that if you didn't already know his life story by now, then you are a faggot piece of shit who doesn't care about Real Music.
- Fantano's alter ego is Cal Chuchesta, an Italian man with a mustache. Cosplaying as a mentally challenged immigrant is Fantano's pathetic attempt at making himself look better.
- His nasal accent can cut glass, and at higher registers produces hairline cracks in adamantium.
- He is a proud vegan which means he only eats the other white meat.
- He used to have hair, but he shaved it off in an attempt to get some sexytime hours clocked in. Didn't work.
- He dates and presumably fucks an equally "twee" slut who he flaunts regularly, despite the fact that she looks like a diseased hamster. This coupling will undoubtedly result in a flock of tiny, despicable, bratty, uber-hipsterlings that won't appreciate any music unless it's so underground it hasn't been heard by anyone in the known universe and been filtered directly into their ears through John Lennon's cold dead buttocks.
Typical Videos by Anthony Fagtano
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The Many Ugly Faces of Fantano
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His impersonation of a flabby walrus arse.
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No wonder why he shaved his head bald.
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Fantano pretends to be a radio host.
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The only way fans will bring themselves to become an heroes
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Cal with his favorite album AOAT
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herp
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compensating
The insanity of the internet's busiest music nerd
Severe violent autistic outbursts. Some argue that Fantano has been using revenue from his channel and merch sales to purchase copious quantities of meth to smoke during long nights of buttsecks with Cal Chuchesta, hence this recent string of violent, screaming videos consistent with the behavior of tweaked out meth heads.
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| Featured article December 18 & December 19, 2011 | ||
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