Lowtax
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RIP Lowtax |
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See his last words here
Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka (May 11, 1976 - November 9, 2021) was the toe-sucking foot-fetish retard in charge of Something Awful. With the help of his goon henchmen and former Asian mail-order bride, Lowtax spent the past ten years in his parent's basement, and leeched off his gullible, pseudo-intellectual hivemind, eventually leading Paypal to freeze his account for fraudulent activity.
Lowtax was prone to meltdowns, and couldn't hold a professional relationship with any company he worked with. SomethingAwful has had problems with advertisers, Google, and almost anything that requires Lowtax to deal on a professional level with another human being. Typically, Lowtax will create a service to cut out the need for a middle man (Awful Video, Awful Wear, etc.), but ironically enough most users report hardships with receiving merchandise and will get banned for their troubles. Since Lowtax was truly the premier businessman of the 21st century, it's only natural this success has led to an eventful personal life.
Lowtax an heroed himself on November 9, 2021.
Lowtax claimed responsibility for the following:
Lowtax was an avowed enemy of the following:
- Sadcucks
- Buttes
- Freedom
- Metalheads
- Pedophilia
- Uwe Boll
- Furfag (despite the fact that Lowtax himself was obsessed with pigs and even had a closet furry working with the site)
- Scientologists
- ebaum, who he punched in the face before banging his mom
- Juggalo
- The Dan Lirette Story
- Marriage
Lowtax was considered paranoid and dangerous due to excessive self-importance. Avoid at all costs. He also really fucking hated Google because Google pwned Something Awful hard. Really.
Mangosteens
Lowtax was a major supporter of mangosteens, a type of repulsively shitty fruit that he claimed to have beneficial nutritive properties. In the past, he tried to scam goons into buying mangosteen products and mortgage backed securities, to little effect. After being repeatedly trolled by his own forum users, Lowtax had a meltdown:
— A very e-angry Lowtax |
A mangosteen grenade is the logo for Something Awful Sycophant Squad.
Lowtax vs. PeppermintPatti
Lowtax was very traumatized by PeppermintPatti. Culexor, Vipor231, and PixelBeeProductions joined forces in "The Final Solution to the Problem of Lowtax" and attempted to kill him by snipping his brakelines, poisoning his apple juice, and posting video blogs. [1] Although the attacks from the youtuber's eventually stopped, Kyanka lives in fear of their reprisal to this day.
El fin
As of February 12, 2008, Lowtax is no longer the titular master and commander of his forums, due to the fact that goons actually started talking back to him after he reacted badly to yet another totally avoidable massive security breach. Speculation runs rampant among the ranks: will Lowtax actually give up power and focus on making the front page funny again, or will he continue to micromanage and shit up the forums through their newly-appointed Grand Poobah (who just so happens to live in Lowtax's basement)? Moar AS IT DEVELOPS
Gallery of a mangosteen foot fetishist
Death of Lowtax
Last Thursady, Fragmaster revealed to the SomethingAwful Forums that he had received news from the Kyanka family that Lowtax had passed away, likely via Drug Overdose by killing himself rather than pay child support, like the complete cunt he is.
— Fragmaster |
External Links
- Lowtax is going to get the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.
- Lowtax went and got the crap beat out of him by Uwe Boll.
See Also
 Lowtax is part of a series on Web 1.0 |
[ANCIENT HISTORY] Old Memes •
Celebs, h4x0rz, and Phreaks •
Technologies •
Fun and Games •
Events •
Death of Web1.0
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| Lowtax is part of a series on Dying Alone
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 Lowtax is part of The Best Series in the Universe ★ ★ ★ |
[THERE'S NOTHING REALLY INHERENTLY WRONG WITH BEING A CUCKOLD BECAU] Essential Characters •
Madcast Media Network ★ ★ ★ •
See You Next Tuesday Network •
Maddox Followers •
Key Concepts
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