Kurt Eichenbald

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search

WARNING:

With Paedojews, 13-year-old boys lose (their virginity)!
Kurt Alexander Eichenwald, a true man of culture.
No, Kurt, looking at kiddie porn is not "research".


   
“ 		 
On Friday, I almost assaulted a fan of my work.
  		„
  		 

—Kurt Eichenwald (circa 2016), aka That Fat Old Bald Guy "almost assault(ing)" (i.e. Kurt was afraid this dude would kick his bloated ass, so he used the loser internet words "you're lucky") to the last "fan" of his work before he got fired from everything.

Kurt Alexander Eichenwald✡ is a hate-filled 63-year-old paedophile, doxer, cyber bully, tentacle hentai connoisseur and distinguished lolcow who can usually be found posing as a "journalist" in an attempt to groom teenage boys into sending him n00dz and/or having hot unprotected pederast buttsecks. Aside from being a contemptible person, Eichenwald is also a hideously unattractive, balding, Jews-faced goblin who usually sets his profile photos to the middle-aged male equivalent of the Fat Girl Angle Shot and attempts to hide his blatant Jewiness by claiming to be "Episcopalian" when he isn't busy BAWWWWWing over how his relatives somehow ended up in Rosanne Barr's Easy-Bake Oven.

Eichenwald's antics have included paying a child pornographer several thousand dollars for who-knows-what, reviewing his own shitty books on Amazon, getting a man arrested for sending him a seizure-inducing .gif that he was dumb enough to actually click on, getting caught looking at hentai and then claiming that he and his kids just wanted to show his wife that tentacle porn exists, doxing an Oregon Trail lawmaker and mocking a survivor of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting because they didn't support gun control, and threatening to sue anyone who even makes mention of his aforementioned paedophilic attraction to young boys and excellent taste in Japan cartoon pornography.

Kurt was formerly employed by The New York Times, Newsweek, Fake News, Vanity Fair and a child porn site called Justin's Friends – although it appears that he has now been fired from every single fucking one of them for being an even bigger piece of dog shit than Zaiger. You can help Kurt out by sending him all of the horrible job offers you have that even the border-hopping Mexican illegals weren't willing to accept.


The Dork Knight Rises

What Kurt Eichenwald probably looked like at the age of 8.

Kurt Alexander Eichenwald✡ was tragically born without hair on June 28, 1961, to Jewish father Heinz Felix Eichenwald✡ and slightly less Jewish mother Elva Catherine Eichenwald✡ in the fine land of aeroplanes that collide into tall buildings, Jew York City. While attending college at Swarthmore, Eichenwald accidentally hit his bald head and sustained a concussion—presumably while trying to peep on the boys' locker room—which caused him to contract the horrible seizure disease known as epilepsy and soon got him kicked out of school after his teachers came to the conclusion that his seizures were the direct result of him being possessed by Jews Satan like that crazy bitch from Your mother sucks cocks in Hell.


   
“ 		 
After I arrived back home, my dismissal triggered an intense rage. I screamed at my family, my friends, sometimes at myself on my tape recordings. The explosion of anger was so strong that all of us worried that I was losing my sanity.
  		„
  		 

—Kurt's spergrage begins to manifest itself (archive)



   
“ 		 
By December, I learned that I could not be dismissed from school because of my health under section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, which provides rights to the handicapped. With advice from the Government's Health and Human Services, my family and I contacted school officials and lawyers to get me back to school.
  		„
  		 

—Swarthmore gives in to the demands of terrorists (archive)

A Boy and His Jew

Eichenwald would have been a priest if he weren't so fucking Jews.

At this point in his worthless life, Eichenwald had dreams of someday becoming a journalist despite already looking over twice his age and possessing absolutely no talent as a writer. Desperate, Eichenwald decided to write fictional stories about how he overcame the social stigma of having epilepsy while making the disorder sound more like lycanthropy or vampirism. In the early 1990s, Kurt married Theresa Felicia Pearse✡ in an attempt to cover up his homosexuality and, soon after, gave birth to three autistic hellspawn named Adam Jacob Eichenwald✡, Ryan Joseph Eichenwald✡ and Samuel Ian Eichenwald✡.


   
“ 		 
The doctor warned me – and so did members of my family soon afterward – that if I did not keep my epilepsy a secret, people would fear me and I would be subject to discrimination.
  		„
  		 

—Kurt, thinking that people fear dorks who can literally be killed with .gifs (archive)


Justin Berry as a teenager.
The homosexual paedojew sets its sights on its young prey.
Don Henley should sue for defamation.

It wasn't until 2005 that Eichenwald finally got his big break while working for the Jew York Times. While trying to decide on a topic for his next big story, Eichenwald decided to take a break and look for child porn images that resembled his then 13-year-old son, Adam. Eventually, Eichenwald stumbled upon MexicoFriends.com and JustinsFriends.com – a pair of gay pornographic paysites run by a 19-year-old twink named Justin Berry who had been doing webcam shows for gay men since the age of 13 because he thought it would be a good way to pick up chicks.


   
“ 		 
Nobody could look at this image knowing that it was a porn site and not conclude this is about child porn. It was an image of a 14-year-old boy, somebody who was clearly underage. Somebody who, in truth, and this was a very important thing, he looked a lot like my oldest son, who was 13 at the time.
  		„
  		 

—Eichenwald likes boys that resemble his son (archive)


After finding the site and somehow determining that it featured underage models despite having a notice saying that all models were at least 18, Eichenwald decided that he wanted to help Justin and—after supposedly consulting with his wife and friends who actually believed it would be a good idea—decided to "pose" as a disgusting sex pervert named Andrew McDonald (a.k.a. "Roy Rogers") and then began constantly creeping on Justin through the site's contact form and purchasing all of Justin's underage n00dz with a Paypal account that could easily be traced back to him.


   
“ 		 
i found a pretty good one... but the lighting sucks. washed out. still...worth 100
  		„
  		 

—Kurt Eichenwald, child porn critic (archive)

   
“ 		 
we gotta talk about what the really good ones are
  		„
  		 

—Kurt, asking where the preteen hardcore is

   
“ 		 
i found 3 so far that i either didn't already have and were good.
  		„
  		 

—Kurt, finding plenty of good CP

   
“ 		 
the way i am judging them is this: if i save them, i pay for them. if i don't -- it means i didnt even bother to finish looking at them, so i didnt want to buy
  		„
  		 

—Kurt, on how he judges CP

Previous Quote | Next Quote


As a result of Eichenwald's constant bitching about the shitty quality of the CP he was receiving and his claims of being a famous musician, Justin and his cohorts soon came to the conclusion that he was most likely Don Henley of The Eagles.


   
“ 		 
He won their trust in part by leading them to think he was a celebrated musician. They guessed Eichenwald might be Don Henley of the Eagles.
  		„
  		 

—LOLOLOL (archive)

It's About Ethics In Child Porn Journalism

What baldy actually got when he went to Los Angeles.
Timothy Ryan Richards, one of the scapegoats that was sent to prison because of Eichenwald's bullshit.

After a while, Kurt finally got fed up with the fact that Justin wasn't actually giving him any real attention and, on June 8, 2005, decided to send him a check for $2000. The very next day, 19-year-old Justin picked up a 14-year-old boy named Taylor and took him to the home of his 39-year-old gay paedophile friend, Gregory John Mitchel, to film himself masturbating with Taylor. Berry then used $300 of the money that Eichenwald had sent him to pay the underage boy that he had just molested for his role in the production of Kurt's $2000 made-to-order child porn video.

About a week later, Justin granted Eichenwald full administrator access on the JustinsFriends website as he proceeded to have a falling out with Mitchel and began searching for someone who could fix some HTML that he fucked up. Justin then went to one of his friends named Timothy Ryan Richards (a.k.a. Casey Masterson), a 24-year-old who had been a gay porn star and gay porn webmaster since 1990s and who could actually code HTML because he wasn't a completely incompetent fuckwit like Eichenwald and Berry.

What Justin didn't tell Richards, however, was that one of the videos that he was having him upload to the site was the aforementioned video of himself wanking it with a 14-year-old boy. Not realizing that the video was, in fact, child pornography, Richards uploaded the video to the site so Eichenwald could spend the next week accessing it no less than 56 times. Strangely, Kurt took several days off from watching the video – suggesting that he beat his dick raw thanks to his lack of protective foreskin.

On June 30, 2005, Kurt finally managed to arrange a face-to-arse meeting with Justin Berry in Los Angeles that he fully intended to involve a little VHS and Chill. Unfortunately, after showing up for the meeting, Eichenwald realized that Justin was now over the age of 18 and was legally an adult. Now completely disinterested in getting his bum churned, a disappointed Eichenwald came up with an absolutely brilliant idea to cure his Writers' Cockblock – he would use Justin and his site as a basis for his next big story in The New York Times, and in the process he would make himself look like a hero who single-handedly took down a global child porn ring.

Soon after this, Eichenwald wrote a highly-praised article about the wonderful world of online child pornography entitled "Through His Webcam, a Boy Joins a Sordid Online World", but he strangely neglected to include any mention of the $3100 he had given Berry. Unfortunately, Eichenbald had also apparently suffered a seizure on the day that his journalistic ethics class explained that the act of paying a source is unethical and the practice is often referred to as "Checkbook Journalism". He also apparently had a seizure on the day that they explained that paying for kiddie porn and sex with underage boys is outright illegal.


In case Eichenwald didn't already seem like enough of a creep, it also came out that one of whom was ultimately convicted for his role in the site likely wasn't even aware that any of the site's content was illegal and was merely a scapegoat for Eichenwald to get his big story and further inflate his ego – much like the 1500 users of Justin's site who believed that they were paying for legal pornography featuring adults.


   
“ 		 
What's more, federal agents found that just one minor had appeared on mexicofriends.com. That boy was the thirteen-year-old that Justin had molested online.
  		„
  		 

—Some gay book about DUN DUN


   
“ 		 
The facts are now clear that, on June 8, 2005, Kurt Eichenwald purchased a Bank of America Cashier’s Check payable to Justin Berry in the amount of $2,000.00. Eichenwald sent the money to Berry via overnight delivery. Meanwhile, in the early morning hours of June 9, 2005, Justin Berry recruited and enticed a minor, Taylor, to perform in a mutual masturbation video with Berry.
  		„
  		 

—Kurt Eichenwald paid for child porn. FACT.


That's right – actual paedophile, Kurt Eichenwald, helped child pornographer and child molester, Justin Berry, get off scot-free and then got a bunch of unwitting gay porn consumers thrown in prison for a crime that they didn't even know they were committing. And he did it all to save himself from prison rape and make himself look like a hero.


Debbie Nathan

Soon after the publication of Eichenwald's article about Justin Berry, the journalistic community began to question the legality of Kurt's extreme form of Gonzo journalism and his highly dubious actions of paying for goddamn child pornography. Kurt was quick to defend himself by citing some non-existent loophole that he claimed allows journalists to view and download CP without any ramifications as long as they report it to the authorities and don't fap to it for more than 5 minutes per image.

Enter Debbie Nathan, an actual journalist for Salon who was willing to call out Eichenwald on his bullshit and report on the facts of the matter in a story that was provocatively entitled Why I need to see child porn. Unfortunately, as soon as Eichenwald found this article, he blew a fucking gasket and threatened both Salon and Debbie Nathan with a lolsuit if they didn't immediately take down her factual reporting on him. Not wanting to deal with the hassle, Salon quickly chose to pull the article and admonished Debbie for attempting to pick a fight with a mentally retarded person.


 
“ 		 
Salon published an opinion piece headlined "Why I Need to See Child Porn" by Debbie Nathan on Aug. 25. The story argued that under child pornography laws, Nathan and other journalists and researchers had no protection from prosecution if they viewed visual depictions of child pornography, even inadvertently, in the course of their work. In fact, federal law does offer some legal protection for journalists and other researchers. An "affirmative defense" may exist that would protect such work under certain circumstances, and the opinion asserted by Nathan that her work, and the work of other journalists, would constitute a violation of the law was inaccurate.
  		„
 

—Salon, being too pussy to face the bald Jew (archive)


 
“ 		 
It is already clear to me that you are the most unethical and sleazy "journalist" I have ever encountered, one who feels content misrepresenting her intentions and efforts and never asking a relevant question relating to a piece she is writing. What I cannot determine is if your inability to read and understand the words presented to you is the result of incompetence, stupidity, malevolence, or a combination of the three.

So let me be clear: Your piece in Salon was not only libelous, it was one of the worst reported, worst thought-through pieces of garbage I have ever seen passed off as journalism. You used your imagined realities to argue for a reinterpretation of the law that enters the realm of the grotesque.

Salon has elected to remove this piece of garbage from their site. However, if you should attempt to mischaracterize and misrepresent my actions again, in any other forum, let me assure you, I will take immediate and decisive legal action against you. And under no circumstances will I settle until you are financially wiped off the face of the earth. People like you are the maggots of journalism; you are everything that is wrong with this profession.

Clear enough?
 

„
 

—Eichenbald threatens to sue after being exposed as a paedophile (archive)


Eichenwald Rides The Trump Train Back To Relevance

Kurt Eichenwald's Twitter pic.
Kurt Eichenbald IRL.

After years of irrelevance, Eichenbald made his big comeback in 2016 by spending an entire year of his miserable life writing shitty tabloid-level trash about President Donald J. Trump while citing "anonymous" sources who most likely never even existed.

Jew Can't Cuck the Tuck

The Uncuckable Tuck
TUCKED

This eventually landed him an interview on the Tucker Carlson show where he spent 10 minutes grandstanding to avoid answering the simple question "Do you have evidence for any of this?", while waving around a 4 inch thick folder he collected by stalking Carlson for years, and threatening to expose its content if Tucker didn't stop asking him hard questions. The interview ended with Kurt going completely off the rails and sharing his paranoid delusions about being send secret messages by the CIA as Tucker suggests he seeks professional help before ending the interview.


Load video
YouTube

The Twitter Meltdown


Use scrollbar to see the full image

TL;DR


#BanAssaultGIFs

.gifs can be set to not autoplay on Twatter.
LOLOLOL
He's a Jew and a liar.
Eichenwald attempts to stop Orange Hitler and predictably fails.

After being wrecked by Tucker Carlson, suffering a complete meltdown and going on an incoherent Twattering spree, Eichenwald's day of batshit insanity finally came to an end when a sexy-as-FUCK Good Samaritan named jew_goldstein (Powerword: John Rayne Rivello) tweeted a rapidly-flashing .gif that allegedly caused Eichenbald to suffer a severe seizure.


   
“ 		 
This is his wife, you caused a seizure. I have your information and have called the police to report the assault.
  		„
  		 

—Totally not Kurt posing as Theresa for sympathy points (archive)


However, all evidence of what happened, such as him having regained full speech, mobility and ability to write and edit videos mere hours after the event (in spite of what his lawyer claims in a clear case of perjury), all points to this convenient "seizure" (one in a log line of many) being fake. Still, being the repugnant little Jewfag that he is, Eichenbald then called in the motherfucking Party Van to investigate the posting of a fucking animated .gif file on Twatter. In March, 2017, John Rivello was finally arrested by the FBI to face federal charges for posting a .gif on the internet and triggering a seizure that most likely never even happened.

As of this day, all Federal charges have been dropped and it looks like Kurt won't be able to get a conviction on what remains so he wasted his money for nothing.


 
“ 		 
For self-protection, I am taking a short twitter break. I will be spending that time with my lawyers & law enforcement going after 1 of u.. Last night, for the second time, a deplorable aware I have epilepsy tweeted a strobe at me with the message "you deserve a seizure' on it......it worked. This is not going to happen again. My wife is terrified. I am...disgusted. All I will be tweeting for the next few days are......copies of documents from the litigation, police reports etc. Once we have the lawsuit filed, we will be subpoenaing Twitter for the......identity of the individual who engaged in this cross-state assault. At this point, the police are attempting to determine if this is......a federal crime because it appears to be cross state. This kind of assault will never happen again without huge consequences. This......individual will be going to court, and he will be paying a price. And if any of you others ever try this again, I will make sure it......happens to you. Online anonymity does not protect criminals. Thats why subpoenas exist. You are facing a criminal investigation and a......lawsuit. So if any of you others think about trying this "cute" prank, consider the consequences. They will be severe. Again, I will not be seeing your comments or tweeting for awhile except to upload copies of litigation and police documents.
  		„
 

—Kurt manthreading about his spasms




   
“ 		 
As promised, I will be tweeting legal updates about the assault on me. I'm coming for you, you son of a bitch.
  		„
  		 

—Eichenbald, internet tough guy


tweeting that this is not a joke



tweeting that this is not a joke



tweeting that this is not a joke



tweeting that this is not a joke



tweeting that this is not a joke



tweeting that this is not a joke



tweeting that this is not a joke

Kurt likes to dox others

Kurt likes to use Twitter in order to find out the private info of those who criticize him on Twitter and then begin to threaten them while also acting like the victim once it turns around on him in the worst way possible.


We're not lieing when we say if you have an active article and have doxed somebody in the past or present, it will unquestionably backfire on you like a nigger trying to run from the police, doesn't matter if you're a ED user or not. It's not much differentiating than a backraid, except this isn't on a image board; it's on a major social media site that thinks the type of behavior Kurt is exhibiting is okay, but wishes to dish out suspensions to those who give him the backfire that he truly deserves.

The .gif

[BRB SEIZUREBy clicking here I hereby agree that I deserve a seizure for my posts.]



I Swear I Was Just Doing Research Part II: Electric Boogaloo

Not content with being a degenerate in only one way, Kurt went out of his way to make his degeneracy even more publicly known. While playing the victim card again, he accidentally revealed an open tab that turned out to be Japanese cartoon porn. Eichenwald hilariously made several claims while squirming, each more pathetic than the last. A clever Twitterer created #EichenwaldAMovie, resulting in many hilarious memes and lulz.

  • The original

    The original

  • Zoom and enhance

    Zoom and enhance

  • Oh my

    Oh my


The "research" claim worked so well to get him out of hot water in the Justin Berry case, why not use it here?

   
“ 		 
No one hacked my account. We were searching to prove to my wife tentacle porn exists. See text convo. I only removed names and drug names.
  		„
  		 

— (archive)


Seems legit


Not content with his existence proving Rick Wilson's theory that people with no political power jack it to cartoon porn, and embarrassing himself by lying about his sick fetish for hot hot tentacle porn, Eichenwald went on to pretend he did not know what facesitting is. Nobody else had the same problem however, and he quickly deleted his lie and continued to squirm on Twitter while everyone laughed their asses off.

Tucker Carlson naturally suggested that Eichenbald delete his account on his show that night:


Load video
YouTube

Tucked again!
Load video
YouTube

Jesse Watters points out Eichenwald's bullshit.

Previous Video | Next Video


And as it turns out, Kurt admitting in failing in his quest to find tentacle porn, making him the most incompetent man on the planet.



   
“ 		 
Yeah, I'm pretty much done with being condescended to by someone who COULDN'T FIND PORN ON THE INTERNET
  		„
  		 

—Eric Spencer (archive)

Kikenbald vs. Diversity & Comics

Michelle Perez.
File:MichellePerezDick.jpg
Perez from a different angle. (archive)
File:MichellePerezArse.jpg
And another so you'll want to kill yourself.
Alleged photo of Richard C. Meyer.

In yet another of Kurt's efforts to humiliate himself, after tranny comic writer Michelle Perez sent twitter threats to ComicsGate figure ComicsGate, Kurt came out in full throated support of D&C, only to be rejected outright and called a kiddie diddler.

It seems that not even the publicity starved members of ComicsGate wanted anything to do with this "journalist", and D&C made a video about him siding with himself saying exactly that. What followed was a never-ending slew of deranged emails from Kurt to Diversity, filled with incoherent ramblings and threats of legal action, less he retracts all previous statements in an official apology video. When this failed, Kurt contacted industry insider and friend of D&C, Ethan van Sciver, to request he act as a mediator. This too soon devolved into lunacy and ended with Eichenbald making additional threats to the empty void that was everyone else's collective decision to just ignore him from now on.

   
“ 		 
richard c meyer, aka the diversity and comix guy. he did a 30 minute video about a comic book circular that featured an article of mine. hes a multiple divorcee piece of shit. hes a war veteran so of course he's a cryptofascist. unfortunately, an IED didnt blow him up
  		„
  		 

—Michelle Perez‏, being a bitch (archive)

   
“ 		 
Wishing a veteran died in Afghanistan -and then celebrating the deaths of others - is not "venting." It is a despicable abrogation of civilized standards. How can u ppl not understand that? And at a friggin comic critic? Seriously? @DiversityAndCmx: Is there a story behind this?
  		„
  		 

—Eichenwald (archive)

   
“ 		 
communism is going to win kurt. in the communist regime you wont be able to buy child porn anymore
  		„
  		 

—Michelle Perez, on BUT IT WASN'T REAL COMMUNISM! (archive)

Previous Quote | Next Quote



   
“ 		 
Where do you comics idiots get your information? I SAVED kids from CP. I got child pornographers LOCKED UP. I testified before Congress on it which led to new laws. (See attached.) Sorry if that offends you - and your CP buddies who spread those lies.
  		„
  		 

—Kurt Paedobald (archive)

   
“ 		 
I rescued 400 kids. I got 100s of pedos locked up. I took on Ukranian organized crime's CP business. One pedo went after my own son in retaliation. And for 13 years, first lefties & now conservs have run this "keep ur kids away from Kurt crap pushed by pedos. It's ending now.
  		„
  		 

—Kurt Eichenwald, thinking that raping children is "rescuing" them (archive)

   
“ 		 
...if u think you can essentially call me a child molester to 50,000 people and spin other lies, when what I did was SAVE 100s of kids and got pedos locked up, and then you double down (like u accuse others of doing) rather than read an email, Im gonna stop u.
  		„
  		 

—Paedobald (archive)

   
“ 		 
He essentially calls me a child molester (when I rescued 100s of kids and got pedos locked up), says my career was wrecked over it (a lie) and that I only recovered when I criticized Trump & other lies. I told him "read this, reply or I'll sue." He ignored all but last 2 words
  		„
  		 

—Paedobald (archive)

Previous Quote | Next Quote


Load video
YouTube

Diversity & Comics gets threatened by Kunt Eichenbald.

Previous Video | Next Video

Kurt Doxes Bill Post

This is whom Eichenwald decided to fuck with.

Recently, Kurt decided it would be a good idea to dox a state representative who was telling constituents how to contact their congressman to complain about proposed changes to a state gun law - which Kurt thinks is doxing - and threaten his kids. After briefly posting Bill Post's SSN (which he found by googling it) and deleting it, he followed it up with several tweets basically saying "Watch your mouth, or else". Bill reacted by not caring because he's a public figure with government protection and isn't scared of a bald midget jew and probably just pities him.


   
“ 		 
Doxxing is terrible. But since Rep Bill Post @BillPostOregon abused his post by using info of ppl testifying to dox them, calling others 2 bombard them with letters, & justifying by saying knowledge is power...turnabout:


Bill and Colleen Post
5135 LACEY ST
N SALEM, OR 97303-4004
 

„
  		 

—Kurt Eichenwald, doing shit that he admits is terrible (archive)

   
“ 		 
...by the way, Billy, took me 25 seconds to get all the information about you, your wife, your son (tell him happy 25th), your neighbors etc. Don't bring a knife to a bazooka fight.
  		„
  		 

—Eichenwald, bringing his twink-raping tentacles to a gunfight (archive)

   
“ 		 
Now that I have demonstrated to @BillPostOregon i can get his home address, his personal phone number and his social security number, I have deleted. However, Bill: One more time you take info submitted to legislature to dox people for disagreeing with you, it all goes back up.
  		„
  		 

—Kurt, blackmailing politicians (archive)

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Kurt Destroys His Career By Trying To Bully A School Shooting Survivor

Kurt finds yet another teenage boy who has absolutely no interest in fucking him. Time for a smear campaign!

Days after David Hogg orchestrated a letter writing campaign to FOX sponsors because Laura Ingraham exposed he was trying to leverage his fame from having his classmates killed into a way to get into schools he was ineligible for because of his pathetically low GPA, something that Kurt applauded, Kurt decided nothing would be smarter than to get the exact same thing done to him, and picked a twitter fight with the one pro-A2 kid that survived the Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting, with predicable results.

Within hours people were contacting every outlet he claimed to work for and getting their sponsorships pulled. In response, Kurt concocted one of his oh-so-convincing stories, claiming that he wasn't threatening the survivor of a school shooting, he was actually trying to bully a different teenager and got confused.



The two kids Kurt mistook for each other. How can you even tell them apart!?


Predictably, this did not work, and Kurt was quickly fired from multiple news networks... or he would have been, if he had worked there in the first place. While Newsweek kicked him out, Vanity Fair claimed he hasn't actually written anything for them for years and MSNBC went a step further and quietly purged not only Kurt, but everyone who he was friends with.


Kurt Eichenwald's Amazing Disappearing Employment
  • Now you see it

    Now you see it

  • Now you don't

    Now you don't


Kurt Thinks It's A Conspiracy By Ben Shapiro

"I didn't send those crazy emails to Ben Shapiro! I was hacked! Honest!

To escalate the insanity to 11, Kurt then sent deranged emails to Ben Shapiro, accusing him of being part of a conspiracy to catfish him into bullying the wrong teenager and saying he is writing a story about it with the help of a psychiatrist that has determined the kid he threatened is crazy, and that Ben should keep a lid on it because if he doesn't the kid might be in danger. Emails which Ben, just like every other person who has gotten one of Kurt's insane ransom notes sent to them, posted publicly in twitter, prompting even more emails to be sent.

Following this, Kurt tried to pretend he was hacked, but it was to no avail and he ended up trending on twitter for a second time. Furthermore, a legal expert weighed in to say that Kurt's email is actionable defamation.


Kurt's love letters to ben About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
{{{5}}}

Kurt Gets Raped

   
“ 		 
I was raped in my twenties while incapacitated after an epileptic seizure. The injuries required me to seek medical attention at a hospital.
  		„
  		 

—Kurt, on shit that never happened (archive)

Quotes

   
“ 		 
You’re lucky it’s illegal for me to punch you in the face.
  		„
  		 

—Eichenbald, threatening to punch a Jill Stein voter in the face

   
“ 		 
I have been called “fag,” “pedo,” and once—in an email that made no sense—“nigger-lover.”
  		„
  		 

—Nigger-Lover Eichenwald (archive)

   
“ 		 
I seriously hope you get a preexisting condition that needs long term treatment. Then u can die in tears in the ER.
  		„
  		 

—Eichenwald, wishing death on others (archive)

   
“ 		 
U are trash. I hope u die a horrible death.
  		„
  		 

—Eichenwald, being classy (archive)

   
“ 		 
Aw, come on. Tell me what u really think. @NoJuan42 your ignorant so are your liberal friends. Go die of AIDS you piece of shit.
  		„
  		 

—Eichenwald, not knowing how to properly reply to a tweet (archive)

   
“ 		 
Stop me before I kill again.
  		„
  		 

—Kurt Eichenwald (archive)

   
“ 		 
Journalism isn't wrecking lives for fun.
  		„
  		 

—Kurt, on choosing to not be a real journalist (archive)

   
“ 		 
The only thing I have to say to Republicans whose years of conspiracy theories and abandonment of governance gave them Trump: HAHAHAHA!
  		„
  		 

—Kurt (archive)

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Video Evidence

Load video
YouTube

Load video
YouTube

Load video
YouTube

Load video
YouTube

Previous Video | Next Video

Galleria de Saving Money on Haircuts

Night on Bald Mountain About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


  • We're not actually sorry. We hope you click this and die.

    We're not actually sorry. We hope you click this and die.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Related Articles

External Links

Kurt Loves Kurt


Paedo Eichenwald vs. The Liberal Media

  • Fools of conspiracy - Wikileaks weren't actually the first ones to discover Kurt's sockpuppetry.


Kurt Whines To Poynter


FreeCasey


Eichen 2: Epileptic Jigaboo


Kurt Slanders Moran


Eichen Bald Z: The Jew Goldstein Saga


Eikenwald


Kurt vs. WikiLeaks


Doxing Bill Post


Diversity & Comics


Ecchibald vs. Meghan McCain


Defaming The President


Ecchibald vs. Kyle Kashew


Random Trump Hysteria & Hypocrisy


Other Shit


Doxing is horrible, but...


Kurt Eichenbald
is part of a series on
GAY PORN!

[LOL AIDSFap fap fap]

Kurt Eichenbald is part of a series on

Social networking sites

Visit the Social Media Portal for complete coverage.

Kurt Eichenbald
is part of a series on
Jews
Patriarchs [-+]

Adam Katz • Adam L. Goldstein • Al Franken • Alan Moore • Albert Einstein • Gravity Falls • Alicia Vikander • Aliza Shvarts • PlayStation • Amy Schumer • Andrew Breitbart • Andy Kaufman • Tomb Raider • Anita Sarkeesian • Ariana Grande • Ayn Rand ✡ • Baruch Goldstein • Beastie Boys • Ben Garrison • Ben Shapiro • Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed • Bernie Goetz • Bernie Madoff • Bernie Sanders • Bobby Kotick • Bourg Productions • #TheFappening • Casey Neistat • Chelsea Clinton • The Loud House • Chuck Schumer • Rick and Morty • Dan Schneider • Daniel Benfield • Danny Elfman • Star vs. the Forces of Evil • David Draiman • Jacksonville Shooting • Debbie Schlussel • Dianne Feinstein • Donald Drumpf • Doomentio • LOLumbine • Ed Rendell • Einsidler • Eli Kozin • Elliot Rodger • Elon Musk • EmiNet • PissedOffVideoGamer • Ethan Klein • 300 • George Soros • Girlvinyl • Greville Janner • Harvey Weinstein ✡ • Henry Kissinger • Henry Makow • Howard Stern • Ice Poseidon • Aediot • ProJared • JarlaxleArtemis • Jeff Goldblum is Watching You Poop • Jeffrey Epstein • #TheFappening • Jerry Seinfeld • Jerry Springer • Jesus • JewWario • Jim Sterling • Jew Lieberman • John Kricfalusi • John Oliver • The Daily Show • Jonathan Yaniv • Null • Jussie Smollett • Rick and Morty • Kevin Smith • Kumichoo • Kurt Eichenbald • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Lauren Faust • Lena Dunham • SlimVirgin • Lyor Cohen • MandoPony • Mark Zuckerberg • South Park • Maury • Mia Janin • Michael Bloomberg • savetheinternet • Kramer • Michael Savage • Natalie Portman • Fatass Denial Bloggers • Monica Lewinsky • Vic Mignogna • Moses • User:Moshe Finkberg • MundaneMatt • Natalie Portman • Neil Gaiman • Nihilistic Snake • Pamela Geller • PewDiePie • Quinton Reviews • Seth MacFarlane • Rahm Emanuel • Rebecca Sugar • Roman Polanski ✡ • Ron Jeremy • Rupert Murdoch • Sacha Baron Cohen • Sam Hyde • Seth MacFarlane • Seth Rogen • Susan Wojcicki • Tara Strong • The Amazing Racist • The Fine Bros • The Krassenstein Brothers • Hot Topic • Todd Goldman • Bethesda Softworks • That Guy With The Glasses • Trevor Noah • weev • Wil Wheaton • Woody Allen ✡ • YandereDev • Yank Barry

Habitats [-+]
Traditions [-+]
H8s [-+]
Kurt Eichenbald is part of a series on
UnV& Pedophiles [-+]

Aaron Williams • Adam Lanza • Alenonimo • Alison Rapp • Amber Buttrum • Andy Maher • Angryjedi • AnimatedJames • Beefrave • Bikerfox • Bill Cosby • Britbong • Casey Anthony • CamHead • Chaosscizzors • Colonel McBadass • Comicality • Cyraxx • Cyril Smith • Doomentio • Dream • DrossRotzank • DaddyOFive • Blood on the Dance Floor • Dangerman • Deeker • Didaskalos • DynaCatlovesme • Eric Ridenour • Erik Möller • Fergie Olver • Frank Bonafede • Greg Mazujian • Greville Janner • G-Zay • Geoshea • GalaxyRailways2199 • Harrison Digfoot • Humon • Hypno • Hunter Moore • Irish282 • Isabella Loretta Janke • James Terry Mitchell Jr • JaSonic • Jerry Peet • jervaise brooke hamster • Jimmy Savile • Joey Nigro • John Patrick Rogers • Joseph Kony • Justin Berry • Justin Dabrow • Kaitlyn Hunt • Katherine Marion • Kyle Perkins • Lena Dunham • Leonard F. Shaner Jr. • LittleCloud • LtFlagger • LoganSperman2 • Lucian Hodoboc • M. Chaos • Magicrich • MandoPony • Mar9122 • Michael Jackson • Mikevirus • Matrooko11 • MZMcBride • Nathanr • Neil Fox • Omegalore • Onideus Mad Hatter • Onision • Paul Walker • Pennywise • Purple Aki • Ariel Rose Sapeda • Ralph Squillace • Riverman72 • Roger Sampson • Sam DeathWalker • Sam Rassenfoss • Sarah Butts • Shane Lee • Sibe • Scientology • Sethisto • Sophie Labelle • TheAmazingAtheist • Thomas Watt Hamilton • Timbox • Trap-kun • Tyciol • Uncle Grandpa • UpDownMostly • Violentacrez • VonHelton • Woody Allen ✡ • W. T. Snacks • YandereDev • Young Tubers United • Ytask • Zeitgueist

Related Topics [-+]
Kurt Eichenbald
is part of a series on
Surprise Sex

Forms of Rape

Almost Rape 💔 Asking for it 💔 Ass Rape 💔 Baby Rape 💔 Cæk Ræp 💔 Cyber Rape 💔 Date Rape 💔 Ear Rape 💔 Fart Rape 💔 Gay Rape 💔 Bubba

Rapey Shit

Battle Raper 💔 Campus Rape Epidemic 💔 Clarissa 💔 Here Comes The Airplane 💔 Netorare 💔 Rape Checklist 💔 Rape Clock 💔 Rape culture 💔 Rape Day 💔 Rape dollars 💔 Raped Statistics 💔 Rape Kit 💔 RapeLay 💔 rape.sh 💔 Ræp 💔 Raping Little Suzy 💔 Sharking 💔 Stealthing 💔 You Gonna Get Raped

[No means no!Moar ræp plox!]

[Stop shooting!Pull the trigger]
Kurt Eichenbald is part of a series on Gun control
Locus in quo:

Aaron Howard 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Aurora Theatre Shooting 🔫 Ian David Long 🔫 Connor Betts 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Kyle Rittenhouse 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Robert Stair 🔫 San Bernardino Shooting 🔫 ISIS Paris Attack 13-11 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Devin Patrick Kelley 🔫 Chris Harper-Mercer 🔫 DeWayne Craddock 🔫 Nasim Aghdam 🔫

Supporters

Barack Obama 🔫 Christian 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Liberalism 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenbald 🔫 Faggot 🔫 Liberalism 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews

Main ideas:

Assault rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Rachelle Waterman 🔫 Bomb 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫

Haters gonna hate:

Daisy Hogg 🔫 Killers 🔫 Republican

Acts of revenge:

Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 ISIS Paris Attack 13-11 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting

Objectors:

Charlton Heston 🔫 Aurora Theatre Shooting 🔫 Bullet to the Head of the NRA 🔫 Osama bin Laden 🔫 Republican 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫

Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

LOLumbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Behring Breivik

Kurt Eichenbald
is part of a series on Donald Trump.


You're gonna love this article, believe me.
Featured article December 28 & December 29, 2016
Preceded by
Kwanzaa 		Kurt Eichenbald Succeeded by
2016
Featured article March 18 & 19, 2017
Preceded by
Rachel Maddow 		Kurt Eichenbald Succeeded by
Fat Larry's Band
Featured article June 7 & 8, 2017
Preceded by
The Asylum 		Kurt Eichenbald Succeeded by
Mr Beast
Featured article April 12 & 13, 2018
Preceded by
Jean-Francois Gariepy 		Kurt Eichenbald Succeeded by
Nasim Aghdam
Featured article October 11 & 12, 2018
Preceded by
MadThad0890 		Kurt Eichenbald Succeeded by
Stephen Paddock
Article of the Now July 18 & July 19, 2023
Preceded by
K-On! 		Kurt Eichenbald Succeeded by
Godwin's Law
Retrieved from "http://encyclopediadramatica.gay/index.php?title=Kurt_Eichenbald&oldid=1380489"