Multiple personality disorder
Multiple personality disorder is the ultimate attention-seeker's Internet disease.
Clinical diagnosis
"Multiple personality disorder" is a popular name for dissociative identity disorder, a mental illness which supposedly involves the creation of more than one independently-acting persona inside a single person's brain. Psychiatric professionals disagree on the actual existence of this disorder, with some contending that severe childhood trauma can cause a person's ego to split into several parts, and others arguing that DID is one of those bullshit disorders created by doctors who want to get their names in the psychiatric journals. The existence of hit movies and best-selling memoirs of DID supports the view that such disorders are the result of seriously ill people searching for a reason to like themselves.
Internets diagnosis
On the Internets, DID/MPD applies to anyone who feels like sometimes she has different opinions or emotions about her life. Symptoms include a LiveJournal user claiming one or more cartoon characters or autonomous personalities ("alters") live inside her mind, generally accompanied by a dual self-diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. The typical user will assert that she is "non-disordered," which means that she has chosen to assume symptoms of a mental disorder in order to compensate for her shriveled sense of individual worth, and that she has further decided to treat her fake disorder as a "way of life."
People with self-diagnosed DID/MPD claim to be "multiple," "plural," or "systems" by nature, in order to legitimatize their self-imposed status and to avoid the stigma associated with having a real-life disease. Similar to those feigning the presence of Asperger's Syndrome, people claiming to be "multiple" insist that they don't actually have a disorder, while continuously elaborating on how fucking crazy they are and exaggerating the hardships of their glorious and expedient condition.
There is some overlap between soulbonding and DID/MPD on the Internets. Despite differing connotations, the two phenomenon are nearly indistinguishable from each other. "Multiples" may refer to their fictitious personalities as "headmates", because they believe that these demonstrations of their online disease are comparable to the zany cast of their favorite sitcom or anime. In most cases such personalities are idealizations based on and inspired by the aforementioned material.
Multiple Personality Disorder can sometimes affect other internets users. This can occur in many forms such as:
- Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde: A user will become evil after consuming a potion, see drunk post
- Nocturnal Troll: An ordinary user may be more irate and bitchy when in need of sleep
- Multiple User: More than one person using the same account and therefore behaving differently, see Meele
- Spaz: Someone who genuinely has a mental disorder, flame them
Traditional sufferers of Multiple Personality Disorder
The common attention whore is practically predisposed to DID/MPD, with most displaying a 504% greater chance to develop Multiple Personality Disorder when compared to the general populace. Of course, all of these studies were conducted by poking the subjects with a very long stick and asking what the fuck their problem was.
Another traditional sufferer of the disease is the emo, possibly because of that race's genetic similarities to the attention whore. However, while the attention whore's version of the disorder is commonly harmless, the emo's is almost always destructive. Many captive emos have been witnessed sinking into convulsions only to rise, screaming obscenities and threatening to kill its observers. This results inevitably in much hilarity as the emo attempts to hurt something, and only succeeds in bruising its little girl knuckles. Others have been witnessed to fashion a shiv out of anything they can manage before threatening to kill themselves by attempting to slash the tops of their wrists. Most break down and cry at that point, but others seem to take offense at the idea that they may be wrong and zealously slice away at their forearm. This has traditionally resulted in no damage at all, because shivs are pointed, not edged. All attempts to explain this difference to the emo subjects have proven unsuccessful.
Like the attention whore, emos show the same tenuous connections between the reality cortex and the rest of their brains. This phenomenon is being called, tentatively, the logical disconnection disorder. Scientists fear that many more on the internets are afflicted with it.
There are other traditional sufferers from this disorder, such as the goth, the blogger, and the audiophile, but quite frankly they're not important enough to mention here.
How to Treat Multiple Personality Disorder
The only known cure for Multiple Personality Disorder is complete and utter annihilation of the sufferer's universe. Only destroying all the sufferer knows and loves, and driving him or her (but probably her) to suicide, will conclusively cure this disease. Prolonging it over a period of time, however, can increase the Lulz. Proceed at your own risk.
Single Personality Disorder
A syndrome in which the sufferer has only one personality, but it is still broken. It's also the Canadian term for terminal virgins.
People who have Multiple Personality Disorder
- A brand new weekly series on Showtime, The United States of Tara
- All of the fuckers in (
Otherkin) and ( Multiplicity) - Everyone on LiveJournal
- This crazy fuck who believes she is the living container for various shit characters from Lord of the Rings, The Wizard of Oz, The Phantom of the Oprah, Disney movies, and a 1980s version of Madonna. Alternate journals are here and here.
- Furfag
- rhys evans, you can troll him on His facebook or his msn [email protected]
- LifeInATent, the most hated psychopath on this planet and internet.
 |
Vampires • Humanoids • Reptiles • The Rest • See Also Click topics to expand |