Jack Gilbert Graham
| |
|---|---|
| Jack Gilbert Graham | |
| Nationality: | Americunts 
|
| Highscore | Killed 44, injured 0 |
| Top 50? | 34 |
| Style | Bomberman |
| An hero? | Sadly, no |
Jack Gilbert Graham✡ was a big dum-dum beta male who bombed a passenger plane on November 1, 1955, killing all 44 people on board. His lack of remorse and apathetic feeling towards his killings caused much outrage and lulz across the socially progressive America of the 1950s. Investigators later determined that he had bombed the plane in order to gain insurance money from the death of his mother, who died on the flight.
Background
Life of Crime
Even before his heinous act, lil' buddy Jack had been in trouble with the law many times. He was one of the most wanted men in Colorado for forging checks in order to gain $5000 for a road trip. Jack also illegally transported whiskey at one point, and was injured in a "suspicious" explosion a few months before bombing the plane. There's no hard evidence proving it, but many people believe that Jack let his pickup truck get hit by a choo-choo train earlier that year to gain the insurance money from that. Still cruising on the path to more money, Jack came up with a brilliant plan: kill his own mother by bombing the plane she was on!
But why would Jack want to kill his own mum?
In his own words,
So basically they were having a pissing match and Jack decided to 'flush the toilet,' as it were.
The bombing
Jack's mother Daisie was traveling to Alaska to visit Jack's sister and maybe have some mommy-daughter bonding time. But Jack had to put a stop to this, so he planted a dynamite bomb in Daisie's suitcase and wished her a happy flight. At 7:03 PM, November 1, 1955, bright lights were seen near Stapleton Airport before they fell to the ground 30 seconds later. The retard controllers at first didn't realize that a plane had just fucking blown up, but slowly came to realize that an aircraft was in trouble. They contacted all flights in the area, but never got a response from United Airlines Flight 629. At this point they were biting their fingernails when they started to get numerous calls on their cellphone, late night when they need a break. At least 100 farmers reported fiery debris and loud explosions over their weed farms, causing ground searchers to be sent out. They reached the crash site and quickly determined that all 44 people on board had gotten pwnt.
Aftermath and the death of a hero
Initially it was thought that the plane crashed because of a mechanical problem, but the FBI began to discover that something else was at play. They started a full-on investigation into the passengers, and discovered that Mrs. Daisie had a son that forged checks and was her heir. The cops were sent to search Jack's house, and discovered lodsofemone from life insurance as well as bomb-making parts in his garage. Uh oh! With the odds stacked against him, Jack gave in and confessed to the police.
Lawyers were quick to discover that there was no law against fucking blowing up a plane, so instead went for the simpler route and charged with premeditated murder against one victim, his mother. So basically it was a huge fuck you to the other 43 people that died and their families, as they were only charging him with one death. Notably, Jack's trial was the first to be televised in Colorado. He was slapped with the death penalty on May 5, 1956, and was executed via the gas chamber on January 11, 1957, 12 days before his 25th birthday.
Graded Score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kills: | 44/20 |
| Accuracy: | 20/20 |
| Style: | 18/20 Old-school bombing |
| Butthurt: | 14/20 The people of Colorado got so pissed they executed him. |
| Bonus: | 18/20 Killed his mom for bonus points. |
| Total score: 114/100 (A+) | |
Wanted Level:
___________________
|
|
|
|
|
___________________
|
National Guard
Gallery
-
He got a booboo :(
-
"Ladies."
-
Squad goals
-
How does i boom plane
-
-
Damn youth, always blowing up them jets.
-
When you can't afford the new hijab
-
rekt
-
See also
- Terrorism
- Timothy McVeigh - another cool guy who played on the Bomberman mode
- Campo Elías Delgado - also hated his mother
- Albert Guay - Graham's role model (Leaving dynamite bombs in luggage is a tradition in Quebec)
External Links
- Jack at TOW
- Jack at Murderpedia
- FBI file
- Albert Guay - the original plane demolition guy©
- Mainliner Crash
|
| Featured article December 20 & 21, 2015 | ||
| Preceded by Star Wars |
Jack Gilbert Graham | Succeeded by Romeo Rose |